Happy New Year!

Less than a week until our cleft lip/ palate surgery.  I am going to miss the Panda's little wings, and since he LOVES to look at himself in the mirror, I'm interested to see what he thinks about what he'll look like.  The Panda still is averse to solid food and having his mouth touched in general.  He is now bearing some weight on his legs and is 28 lbs.  He's been with us 9.5 weeks.  He still likes to do things with his feet.  He LOVES hats, and almost always has one on.  He is so much stronger now, and he can get up on his knees and reach up, and he can crawl faster.  He has a killer aim with a ball.  He's still pretty unhappy about baths, but getting better.  The Panda's newest love is the flashlight.  He could shine it around and laugh all day long.

He is always happy except when he isn't.  Unhappiness is rare, but when it happens it is an epic scream-fest.  I'm sorta keeping track of these "events"- almost always on Sunday after nap (after church), Tuesday after the sitter, often after going to stores.  Maybe overstimulation, or maybe just insecurity?

We rang in the New Year with another adoptive family in our neighborhood.  I'm so glad that the Panda has some extra jie-jie's around, and having a friend who's been there is truly a gift.  Matt left for Guam the next day.  Ugh.  Due to the big snowstorm in WV, my dad has come for a visit, which is very very very nice.

I really think we've had a super easy adoption experience.  That being said, it is so hard.  My teen years were pretty hormonal and emotional, and I think I might have designed my adult life to avoid drama and extreme emotion.  This is all over.  Waiting for the Panda was so painful- not knowing if my baby was ok/ cared for/ cold/ hungry was overwhelming.  Having him home is such a relief.  I don't even think I knew that relief was an emotion until I had him home.  Now I look at him, and go through a wide range of emotion every day (hour. minute).

Thankfulness- God is so merciful.  The Panda is basically a happy person who is sweet and gentle.

Joy- Baby laughter produces joy.

Anger- My 2.5 year old is a baby still.  He was ignored too much and not stimulated enough, and his caretakers were the good ones.  There are millions of babies in this world with even less.

Pain- Can we give him enough love and safety to fill up the holes that are left?

Sadness- For his other mother.  How I wish I could show her that her baby is safe and that he is a wonderful person.  She will have to live her whole life not knowing where he is.  This breaks my heart.

Love- I'll admit that my adjustment to motherhood with the Bunny was rocky and rough.  I didn't love her right away- I had that fierce, maternal, protective kind of love, but I spent months in pain after her birth, and got no sleep, so there was none of the peaceful, sweet love.  The peaceful, sweet love is easy with the Panda.  He's blessed that the Bunny has forged the road.  The Panda still gets his little arm between us, but he's kinda snuggly, and I can just eat him up.  Gazing into his eyes is a real treat.  Our guide said they are "phoenix eyes", and they really are deep and dark and fabulous.

Sorry for a long one, but here's what I'm thinking about.  I know that even if we work really hard to be perfect parents, we are still going to fall way short.  We can't fill up all the love and security that the Panda has missed.  God can.  The Panda isn't the only one of us who needs to be filled up by the Lord....


These verses are from Joel 2:

²⁵ “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—
   the great locust and the young locust,
   the other locusts and the locust swarm
my great army that I sent among you.... 

²⁶ You will have plenty to eat, until you are full,
   and you will praise the name of the LORD your God,
   who has worked wonders for you;
never again will my people be shamed.
²⁷ Then you will know that I am in Israel,
   that I am the LORD your God,
   and that there is no other;
never again will my people be shamed.

 ²⁸ “And afterward, 
   I will pour out my Spirit on all people. 
Your sons and daughters will prophesy, 
   your old men will dream dreams, 
   your young men will see visions. 
²⁹ Even on my servants, both men and women, 
   I will pour out my Spirit in those days. 

Christmas Pictures

Mom:  Penguin, you must finish schoolwork by 3:00 or I'm cleaning your room with a garbage bag. 

Penguin:  Ok, Mom

(Mom goes away, and returns later)

Mom:  I think the clock has been tampered with.

Merry Christmas!

We had a wonderful Christmas Eve service with our church family and Matt's parents who are visiting.  We had a wonderful present opening experience.  The girls have spent the day building Lego Hogwarts Castle, and I have to say that I am amazed at how well they are doing.  The Panda has spent most of the day sleeping because he is sick.  Congestion, and I think, ear pain.  Glad that the tubes are going in with the cleft surgery.

He LOVED the ride on/ push behind car that his grandparents gave him.  He presses his head against it (and everything including my face that makes noise), because this helps him hear better.  The Puppy LOVED the Nerf gun from the grandparents and the Nerf weaponry from us.   I am really enjoying a few days of just letting people be.  It is nice not to have to make them do school, make them do chores, make them go to bed...  (not that we have have much luck with make them go to bed...)  Sadly, we have 50% sneezy, congested people here, so we didn't get to go caroling with our church this afternoon, but no one wants to be infected, I'm sure...

The Panda is getting up on his knees and stretching more, especially to reach things.  Yesterday, he even put one foot up, like he was going to try to stand up.

Of course, the Lord has given us the best Christmas present ever- adoption. He sent his Son so that we could be adopted into His family, and this year He gave us a dear son.

 
John 1:14
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

The Many Expressions of the Panda

The Panda and the Balloon

A month and a half together. :)

The Panda is still adjusting very happily.  We've been keeping the world pretty small (for us anyway... home, church, tae-kwon-do, and occasional visits from friends).  He likes going out, though.

The Panda is getting good at kneeling.  He has gained 3.5 pounds in 5 weeks, and is getting stronger.  He still has a gentle spirit though.  He's getting hair!  He watched the Puppy get his hair cut (by me) with clippers today and didn't seem too worried.  I hope he feels the same when I try to cut his hair.  He figures things out very quickly- he learned to click a ball point pen after I showed him how once.  He loves hats, and puts on any available hat.  Santa, Woody the Cowboy....  His fear of the bath is a little less, and he is ok with balloons now too.  The Panda LOVES pretty girls, and really works hard to get attention from them.

Homeschooling is happening.  The Christmas tree is up, thanks to Matt and the kids, and it looks great.  The Panda is good at taking ornaments off.  House cleaning isn't happening as much as it used to.  We have too much entertainment to distract us.  The Panda can interact much longer than he used to without getting overstimulated, so we are having fun getting as many laughs out of him as possible.  

I am so used to the Panda's cleft now that it takes me a moment to remember when people are staring at us.  No one has been mean or anything, but several children have gotten really angry because they think the Panda is injured and grown ups are just standing around like there's nothing wrong.  He has such an expressive face, though.  I'll include some of his great facial expressions here.   

One Month since Family Day

The Panda has been ours for a month.  He's had three shots, gained about 3 pounds, and nearly outgrown 18 mos. clothes and size 3 diapers.  He's learned to clap, and to imitate a little bit.  We're working on pointing to body parts- no "Ah-ha" moment there yet, but it will come, and we're working on bye-bye too.  We've resumed homeschooling around here, and it is going about the same as always.  The Panda still needs his alone time after playing and learning, but I think he's more and more able to deal with the constant togetherness of family.

Our first Thanksgiving together was great.  My dad was here and we enjoyed our low-key dinner and day.  We even remembered to take pictures.  Since we hadn't started school yet, we even made one of those hokey Thanksgiving turkey crafts we never have time for.  The left handed Puppy is getting better with scissors, at least.  Sometimes I think the Panda might be a lefty too...  that would be nice.  We meant to put up the tree, but didn't yet.  Probably we'll manage before Christmas....

The Panda had his first visit from the Early Intervention nurse.  I will meet speech and PT/OT folks next week.  I really hope they have had experience with cleft affected kids and feeding, or are research geeks, so we can figure out how to teach his tongue to move solid foods around.  I'm hoping that he'll get over his fear of food quickly- he is much better with his fear of the bath now, already.  The Panda amazes me with his ability to adjust to so many changes.  Of course, when the nurse was here, she asked if he could stand, and I told her he can't even bear weight.  I stood up the Panda to show her, and of course he stood right up.  *headdesk*  He is bearing weight a little better.  He REALLY wants to see out the windows, but that would require him to pull up on the windowsill and stand, and he can't do it.  The motivation is good for him I think.

I'm trying to figure out what to get him for Christmas...  is he a 9 mos. old or a 2 year old?  Such a dichotomy.    Any suggestions?  Leave a comment!  Something that encourages pulling up or needing to stand...  lots of sensory experience.  But not overstimulating...

In other news...  the Penguin and I checked out a local Lego Robotics team last night.  This is really cool stuff.  I am hoping that she will want to do this next year (because I want to do it too...).  The boys on the team wrote amazing programs to get their robots to complete various tasks, and did a little skit about food safety.  If you are among the 80% of folks who don't check your meat with a thermometer, then let me suggest a great Christmas present for you....  :)