Two More Weeks With Daddy

Well, our last 2 week visit to Matt is coming to an end.  There were some amazing parts, and some not so great moments.  The not so great moments included a dragging week of the flu, complete with every unfortunate symptom.  Matt and the Panda were spared, thank God!

We arrived in FL and took a day to recover.  Then we had a great time at Universal Studios.  The Puppy was finally tall enough to ride most things, and the Penguin has become quite the brave roller coaster rider.

We had an amazing Christmas Eve with friends of Matt from work.  We were strangers to this family, but they had that amazing gift of hospitality that makes company feel so welcome.  They included us in their Christmas traditions and it was a wonderful night!  The kids got to do Christmas crackers, and pulled them apart and wore their crowns for dinner.  They even made our Christmas day special by sending us home with gifts of board games, which is just what we needed for fun in Matt's apartment.

We played with our big Christmas present, the Kinect, and our board games all day Christmas day.  Then, Christmas night, the illness began.  The Puppy went first, then the Penguin and I, and last the Bunny.  It was ugly.  As much as I feel bad that we spent most of our visit with Matt totally sick, I am also thankful that he was here.  The Puppy and I would have had a hysterical trip to the ER without sensible, calm dad.  Every time the Puppy woke up, I shoved the bucket in front of him.  The second night of illness (which was my 3rd night without sleep because the Panda had a night terror and then the Puppy got sick), the Puppy coughed over the bucket and when he was done, the bucket was filled with blood.  I started to freak out.  Adrenaline surged.  Matt came out, laughed at my heroic flight toward the hospital with "dying Puppy", and told me it was a nosebleed.  Then Matt and the Puppy watched me roll on the floor with inappropriate laughter.  The Puppy asked, "What's wrong with mommy?"  Matt just laughed and put him back to bed.  Probably didn't help that my fever had started....  :)

And so a week passed...  we had a nice day at Busch Gardens once all the fevers were gone.  The Penguin's new found love of serious coasters increased.  The boys and I were glad there are lots of animals to see at Busch Gardens.  We also visited Heritage Village yesterday, which is a settlement with interpreters about life here in central FL in the mid 1800's.  It was fun to see many old things- non-electric lawn mowers, washer/ringers, ice cream machines, ice boxes, carpet sweepers, stoves, etc.  The homes that are on site are beautiful.  The House of Seven Gables shows how the wealthy lived, and it is a mansion sized work of art.  The Log Cabin showed how the "middle class" lived- it belonged to a mom of 11 who became a midwife during the pre-Civil War and war time.  She ended up with 30 children to foster, since she took children whose mothers died giving birth.  The Penguin was thrilled that the interpreter here was spinning wool with a wheel.

As we leave for home tomorrow, I am SO glad that in 10 weeks, this deployment will be over.  I'm also glad that Matt feels like he has made a difference in the job he's doing and likes it.  I'm glad that the next time we see him, it will be at HOME!  (or maybe Norfolk... but still....)  I am really looking forward to another visit with our wonderful "family friends" in Jax.  For someone who didn't have any sisters, I have been blessed with so many amazing friends who are as good as sisters.

Here's what the great thing about the military life is.  Old friends who "get it".  Civilian old friends who also get it and are willing to walk through it with you and open their homes to you.  New friends who take in a family of strangers for Christmas and just bless them.  Nothing can make a deployment feel "worth it" to me- a year is too long to be apart, and it has been very hard for the kids.  These things make it special and bearable, though.

I am not looking forward to that drive.  But I can do it one last time.  I get home late Sunday night, and life starts full force on Monday.  I'm not sure I'm going to make it.  Aaaaaahhhhhhhh!

I also realize that being sick caused me to take almost no pictures of this visit.  :(

Trip to Visit Daddy

We leave in the morning to head home from a lovely 2 weeks with Matt.  While we were here, we found out that his deployment would be re-extended to a full 12 months, instead of the 9 months it had been changed to, so instead of 1 month left, we now have 4.  This is pretty tough for me to swallow.  I keep telling myself that we went into this expecting one year, and that 9 months would have been so much better than expected, but I let myself get my hopes up...

We spent 4 of our days at Disney parks, which was really fun.  The big kids have been many times, but it was the first Disney trip for the Panda.  He did better than I expected.  He is still afraid of fireworks.  The Haunted Mansion was the only ride that scared him at all.  He had one night terror for the whole 2 weeks, but it was not after a Disney day, so I think he really did enjoy himself.

Matt tried valiantly to get the Panda to eat, but we are still stuck at the "will lick a tiny amount of food, but then all done!" stage.  Oral aversion is really a tough situation.

The Panda said his first consonant blend today.  "Bl"  I was so excited!  It is obvious that his expressive language is much more advanced than his expressive.  I really can't wait until he can communicate better.

I am SO THANKFUL for our friends here in FL who are willing to take in "the Zoo" for a couple nights when we are travelling.  Military kids who spend a few duty stations together and a few apart form such tight bonds, and being able to get them back together is priceless.  They stuffed us for Thanksgiving, and help with the Panda's therapy ("dad style" therapy is different and more fun than "mom style"...)

My big news for this trip:  I got a smart phone.  I can text!  Check email.  Take pictures.  Wow.  I really want to figure out how to do coupons on the phone...  Bad news is that my contacts wouldn't move from my old phone, so please send me a facebook message or email with your numbers and addresses if you want me to have them!!!

Pictures

The Panda has just passed the one year mark as an official Matthias.  Hooray!  I clearly haven't posted any pictures for months...  so here it goes:

Orphan Sunday

Yesterday we observed Orphan Sunday as a church.  I spent the day on the edge of tears, partly because my heart is broken for kids who don't have parents, but partly because as an individual and as a collective Church, we are not nearly heartbroken enough.

We have seen first hand the miracle that God does in a child's life when they are adopted into a family.  We are FAR from perfect, and there is conflict and chaos around here, but there is also love and attention.  Adopting one child barely makes a dent in the global crisis, but God can use our little bit to make a big change.  Our lives have changed for the better because of the Panda, and his life is so very different than it was a year ago today.


Psalm 68:6
God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.


Let's all ask:

What little bit can I do?

First, please pray.  There are orphans whose basic needs are not being met.  They are sleeping on hard boards, with no heat, not enough clothing and food.  Prayer really changes things, for us and for orphans.


James 5:16
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.


We were blessed to have Tom Davis, CEO of Children's Hope Chest and adoptive dad, Skype in to bring us a sermon.  Here are some things that he told us.  My prayer is that God would continually break my heart for the horrors that break His.  I share these things, because if He breaks your heart too, more people will be moved to action.  As a Church, we must stop denying the suffering, and do something.

• Children age out of orphanages around the world, usually between the ages of 14-18 yrs.  They go off into the world with no support, family, job, or home.
• About 70% of these children fall victim to prostitution, sex-trafficking, crime, suicide within the first 2 years.
• If 7% of people who identify as Christian adopted one time, there would be no orphans left.

Here's what I'm NOT saying:

• Only Christians should adopt.  I don't think I know of a family, personally, that wouldn't be a lot better than an orphanage.  I know it is possible...  Adoption and foster care is the responsibility of the Church, AND of everyone who has the means to help.  Whether you are a Christian or not, please help.
• Everyone should adopt.  I'm not saying this.  There are so many ways to help.
• Children's Hope Chest is the only organization out there doing a good job.  They are doing a great job, but there are others, too (see my sidebar).

Children's Hope Chest (http://www.hopechest.org/engage/)  can pair up your church, business, Bible study, neighborhood, book club, etc. with an orphanage.  The goal is to build a long term relationship to effect permanent and lasting change in the lives of orphans.  You provide letters of encouragement to the kids, financial support, prayer support, and watch what God does.  If your heart is moved today, please talk to your pastor or boss or friends about starting something big.

Our church has formed a partnership with a particular orphanage through Children's Hope Chest, and members of our congregation have been there to meet the staff and kids.  God takes the little that we do, and does more than we even ask or think He will!

After you have prayed, may God move your heart to take action.  Today.  Tomorrow.  Ongoing help for orphans.  Please.  Here are other ideas that the kids and I talked about last night:

• Make a shoebox for Operation Christmas Child, or donate something such as Water for Life through their ministry.  (https://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/Giving/gift_catalog/)  Even though this isn't a ministry that is specific to orphans, it is great.
• Sponsor a child through Children's Hope Chest, Compassion International, or another of the many organizations that have built a reputation of integrity over the years.
• Adopt or donate to a family that is fundraising to pay for their adoption fees.  If you don't know of anyone, here's a list:  
• http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/2012/10/a-giveaway-to-bring-them-home.html
• Look into foster care, or support a family that does foster care.  This is hard, heartbreaking, thankless work.  
• Contribute to ending terrible injustices in this world through an organization such as International Justice Mission.   www.ijm.org  Again, not orphan specific, but slavery and sex-trafficking is are issues that affect orphans.
• Contribute to your local food pantry this holiday season.  The need right here in our own neighborhoods is huge.

The Bunny and I have chosen to contribute to IJM.  She is doing Sonlight Core 100 for school this year, and we are reading Amos Fortune,  Free Man, and Elijah of Buxton right now.  The themes of justice and freedom have really moved our hearts.  Amos Fortune was a real person who really purchased his own freedom from slavery and then saved money to purchase four other people.

The Penguin and the Puppy have chosen to give clean water to a family.  The Penguin really felt the impact of lack of clean water when we were in China.   http://www.compassion.com/water-filters.htm

Matthew 9:37

Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few"

The Big Changes of This Week

In 2 weeks, we will celebrate one year since the Panda was put into our arms.  Do you remember that baby Panda?  White as the driven snow, could barely sit up for 30 seconds, could bear no weight on his legs, couldn't hear, had no language....

He seems like a distant memory, a dream.  Sure, he was cute and sweet, but the Panda of  Today is nothing like that little baby cub.  He's gained about 14 lbs and at least 2 inches.  He's a baby on fast- forward.  He can walk, run, tries to jump, zoom around on ride-on train, climb stairs, walk on grass and other "challenging surfaces", go up and down hills.  He jumped in the leaf pile with other kids this weekend and didn't cry (a month ago he wouldn't even walk on grass.)

He knows letters and their sounds, is starting to figure out what I mean by numbers (I think), has lots of signs and more and more words, follows directions, LOVES books, and can hum pretty much on key.  He's having another verbal explosion, asking for more and more words by pointing at everything, and soaking up words like a sponge.  He's starting to try to say more words.  He's still struggling with some consonants, especially j and z.

The Panda went to the Autumn Glory Parade this past weekend with the family.  What has he been afraid of?  Food.  Crowds.  Loud noise.  Grass.  What is at a parade?   Hmmmm....  The Panda went off with my mom's dear friend, and watched the parade like a professional kid.  :)   Only the zooming, zigging, zagging Shriner Cars made him a little nervous.

I sat at my dad's house afterward, remembering one year ago.  I have never experienced an ache like I felt while waiting to go bring the Panda home.  We bought our plane tickets for China last year after the Autumn Glory Parade.  This year, after the parade, I looked into the deep, dark eyes of an amazing person, and cried out to God with great thankfulness.

Ephesians 3:20-21
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

The Lord has changed the Panda in such big ways, and He's changed me too.  

We've had wonderful new things happen between the Panda and food in the last week.  He has licked many new foods, including various chips and crackers, a lollipop (finally), a french fry, and he even bit through a Triscuit.  I convinced him to let me put  a Cheerio into his mouth.  He eventually took it out, but it was in for a bit, and he didn't cry or panic.  He doesn't seem to understand how to chew, though.  Today, he gnawed on a lumpia, though he didn't consume any.  He's getting more consistent about tasting baby food or pudding.    If I offer it on a spoon, he swipes it with his finger, and then licks it off his finger.  Huge progress, even though he won't let the spoon in...  The most amazing thing:  While I picked up the Bunny from our co-op, granddad got the Panda to drink from a straw.  He can suck up lots of water.  Doesn't swallow....  he spits it onto the floor.  Still, I'm jumping for joy here, because sucking and blowing are skills that cleft affected kids can really struggle with!  He also blew bubbles himself today.

Speaking of granddad and his clandestine child-rearing activities....  My dad is so amazing.  This deployment would be beyond difficult without him.  He has upheld his record in teaching 4/4 grandkids how to use a straw.  But he's quirky and such a hoot!  When he thinks the boys' hair is too long, he's been known to shave a stripe down the middle so I have to give them a haircut.  While the other kids and I went on a homeschool hike (too far for the Panda to walk), granddad tried to complete a whole haircut himself.  There was, ummmm, a little trouble... and we ended up with a slightly patchy Panda....  It was so funny to come home and try to figure out what happened....  never a dull moment.

When Your Husband is Away

So, my husband has been deployed for 7 months of a 9-11 month deployment, and we still aren't sure when it is going to be over.  This is the first deployment with my 2 boys (my girls have been through it before).  So far, I can tell you what didn't work.... and maybe a little of what does.

We hit our low point a couple months ago when one son was absolutely breaking every rule, disrespectful, defiant, and angry.  I knew the behaviour stemmed from grief and missing dad.  I was really trying to love him through it, give lots of second chances and kindness, since it isn't normal for this child.  Finally, my neighbor told me to get a backbone and give him some consequences that really hurt.  I'm not great at being the tough parent, but I told him that what we'd been doing hadn't worked, and that we needed a change.  It has helped to crack down, even though things aren't perfect yet.  I was really surprised that meeting bad behaviour from grief with consequence worked, but it did.  This child was not adopted.... that might be a different story.

Lots of people have suggested that his behaviour stemmed from adjusting to his brother, but in the 4 months between adoption and deployment, we didn't have the same issues going on, so I don't think that's it.

So, I fight the battles on getting school done and Godly behaviour.  I don't fight as hard about chores, and timing.  We can do schoolwork after dinner if we played with friends all afternoon.  Dinner never involves meat (yay!). I gave up two of my favorite "me time" activities:  watching grown up TV while folding laundry alone, and Farmville.  Now we watch family movies and fold laundry.  I don't need Farmville anymore, because it was just a way to turn my brain off during the adoption process, when I just couldn't stand my baby being somewhere without me, and I wanted to escape a little.

Here's what I didn't give up:

Praying.  Adoption taught me that prayer really, actually changes real things.  Especially me.

Taking individual kids on dates.  This feels like a stop-gap measure, but it helps some.  Each kid desperately wants their date, but they are clamoring for another one as soon as theirs is over.

Teaching at our homeschool co-op.  I had to leave being a teacher behind when I became a military wife, because we never lived in one place for a whole school year.  Then I became a mom, and don't want to give up the chance to stay home with the kids.  For three hours a week, teaching my wonderful students lets me be myself again, not "MOM!!!!"

Bible Study.  Our church  changed the format of meeting and groups recently, so there is a nursery for Sunday night small groups.  This is such a huge blessing.  Kids and youth have studies and activities, and grownups have a whole 2 hour group.  We are going through Uprooting Anger by Robert Jones, and I cannot recommend this book enough!  I really want to be a patient, Godly, kind mom who still has a backbone, but I fall so short.  When my kids do something that would barely make me blink if it were someone else, sometimes I feel so angry.  God and I need to work on this.

Tae-kwon-do:  What a blessing.  An active activity that all the kids can go to at the same time, with instructors who are male role models and love the Lord, and are fun and great with kids.  Yes, please.

Reading good books and talking about how characters deal with hard things, change, loss, and negative emotions.  Sometimes it helps everyone to be an objective witness to how someone else does things, and then later to realize that it isn't too different from how they do things.  Stories can make the hard topics feel a little safer.

We had "The Summer of Yes" which worked really well, too.  If I didn't have a good reason to say no, I made myself say yes.  "May we have all our friends over" (even though house isn't clean).....  "Yes".
"May we go to the zoo (park, museum, etc)?"  "Yes!"
"May we bake a big dessert together" (and wreck the kitchen)  "Yes."
"Let's play a board game" (my least favorite activity)  "Yes."
The Summer of Yes continued into birthday season just enough to make me have a real party for each kid.  I really don't like birthday parties, and Matt is so good at planning and ideas.  It was sad for me to do it without him, and I would have preferred to avoid it, but it was good.

I've also noticed that some triggers for bad behaviour are going places and doing things that my husband would usually be there for.  Church.  Oh, my.  Church has been embarrassing for me.  Boy Scout ceremonies, soccer games, going on the military base for anything....  I've trained myself now to sit in the car and review the game plan and the ground rules before we get out and do things that usually involve daddy.  This helps, but I still have to be pretty vigilant.

Skype helps too.  This is our first deployment with Skype, and it really is a blessing.  Seeing daddy makes a big difference.  I remember when the girls were little, they would want to show Matt something when he was gone, and they'd run up to it and hold up the phone to it.  So cute.  Now you really can "see" though the phone.

It might be a little bit of an adjustment when Matt comes home.  We'll have to clean more diligently, cook meat again, and stop doing school in the evenings.  :)  Having him back will be priceless.

Trip to Visit Daddy and Grandparents Visit

Whew!  We have had a busy 3 weeks.

On July 31, we went to the Panda's first cleft team appointment since his surgery.  Everyone was very happy except the developmental psychologist.  He thought that "a 3 year old should be off the bottle right now!".  I just got the report from the team in the mail, and he said that "mom was resistant to my suggestions".  I told him that I thought maybe the attachment people would disagree with him, and that I placed more value on secure attachment than age-appropriate milestones.  Guess my opinion didn't convince him....  I would have expected someone in his field to have a little flexibility for someone that spent 27 months in an orphanage and 9 months in a family.

Speaking of attachment, I am amazed at how much progress we've made.  After 6 months home, I would have said that it was going great.  Now that we've been home 9 months, I think it actually is going great.  The Panda has started letting us hug and kiss him without wedging the little "stiff arm" between himself and us.  When I say "I love you", he smiles or gives a happy little sigh, and he's started doing the sign language "I love you" to us.  I am sure that he knows what I mean when I say it.  We went to a kid play area at a mall for the first time, and he went off happily, but came back to check in every minute or so.  He has also started to   hum along when I sing!  How cute is that?  He really wants to sign, and works hard to move his little fingers into the right shapes.  During our trip to Tampa Bay, he fell asleep in my arms for the first time, like it was a natural, normal thing.  Aaaaah.

We are also, finally, having some progress at feeding.  In the last week, the Panda has licked a zoo cookie that I was holding for him until it crumbled a little into his mouth.  He must have licked it 50 times, which is 50 times more than he'd ever licked a cookie before.  He did pick every piece of crumb he could get out of his mouth, though.  He's been letting me "pour" an empty soup spoon into his mouth, and I'm hoping that this "game" will help us pour some actual soup in soon.  Yesterday, his feeding therapist actually managed to get a few bites of pudding past his lips, and although he wasn't opening his mouth happily, he didn't have any crying or fighting either.  When he was done, he signed "all done" instead of crying.  Whew!  When the therapist left, the Panda showed interest in grandad's "adult beverage", so the Penguin got him to drink a little  water from a tiny plastic cup, which was a huge first.

So, we had a big trip to Tampa to visit Matt during his IA.  We left the day after the cleft team appointment and drove 13 hours including stops and stayed at a hotel the first night.  This stop was a blessing straight from God.  We stopped at Kings Bay, GA, and the hotel I had on my GPS was closed.  I just went to a nearby hotel, a Residence Inn (Marriott).  It was a lower price than I ever expected, they gave me a perfect room, first door from the lobby, so I didn't even have to carry stuff very far or do stairs.  Breakfast provided in the morning.  The kind of comforters that get washed and don't gross me out.  <3   Everyone watched a little Phineas and Ferb and went to sleep nicely.

We got to Tampa just before Matt finished work the next day, and started our lovely visit.  We met his friends, went to the Bay, the beach, the water park, the pool, and just hung out together.  We got to go to his church, which was nice.  I'm not totally sure if the visit will help the Puppy's acting out and missing dad, but it was sure worth a try.  We celebrated the Panda's 3rd birthday in Tampa, and I'm so glad that Matt didn't have to miss that birthday!  The Panda clearly remembered daddy, and was so happy to see him, and he said, "Daddy" for the first time after a couple days.  Everyone who knows the Bunny needs to ask her about her waterslide experience.  On the way home, we got to visit our super-special friends.  Last summer, they sat with me, looking at pictures of a little baby on a computer screen and worrying if he'd be ok, and this summer, they got to rejoice with us over how amazing he is.  The big kids enjoyed their wonderful friends, even though it was far too short.  We made our way home from Jacksonville- 13 hours.  For the entire trip, the Panda cried in his carseat for 3 hours total, but it was the last 3 on the way home.  When we pulled into the garage, he stopped and said "HOME" for the first time.  He ran happily and visited all his toys before I put him to bed.

The Bunny and I had nursery duty the next morning and then we came home from church and Matt's parents came for a quick visit.   The Bunny started babysitting camp the next morning.  I left the Panda with grandma for youth group and my meeting last night.  He really loves her!  She got me a birthday cake!!!  It is a great year when I don't have to make my birthday cake.  The dear administrators of my homeschool co-op also got a cake, so this was one special birthday!  I am feeling very loved.

I really plan to keep the world small for the Panda for a week or two after so much excitement.  He handled it so well, but I can see signs of stress.  He's glad to be home.  He's had a couple of nights of a little crying at bedtime, which isn't normal for him.  He gets a little hyper when his siblings get hyper and show-offy for grandma and grandpa.  Overall, though, he handled new environments like the beach and the waterpark very well.  I think that a big trip with several overnights in different places, and then coming home was stressful, but it seems to help him build trust, since his attachment is decent and growing at this point.  A trip like this would have been much harder even 2 months ago.  It also helps that he's getting better at walking.  We still use a stroller a good bit, but he did a fair bit of walking at the waterpark and in the mall, which would not have been possible 2 months ago.

Here are some pictures: