Orphan Sunday

Yesterday we observed Orphan Sunday as a church.  I spent the day on the edge of tears, partly because my heart is broken for kids who don't have parents, but partly because as an individual and as a collective Church, we are not nearly heartbroken enough.

We have seen first hand the miracle that God does in a child's life when they are adopted into a family.  We are FAR from perfect, and there is conflict and chaos around here, but there is also love and attention.  Adopting one child barely makes a dent in the global crisis, but God can use our little bit to make a big change.  Our lives have changed for the better because of the Panda, and his life is so very different than it was a year ago today.


Psalm 68:6
God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.


Let's all ask:

What little bit can I do?

First, please pray.  There are orphans whose basic needs are not being met.  They are sleeping on hard boards, with no heat, not enough clothing and food.  Prayer really changes things, for us and for orphans.


James 5:16
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.


We were blessed to have Tom Davis, CEO of Children's Hope Chest and adoptive dad, Skype in to bring us a sermon.  Here are some things that he told us.  My prayer is that God would continually break my heart for the horrors that break His.  I share these things, because if He breaks your heart too, more people will be moved to action.  As a Church, we must stop denying the suffering, and do something.

• Children age out of orphanages around the world, usually between the ages of 14-18 yrs.  They go off into the world with no support, family, job, or home.
• About 70% of these children fall victim to prostitution, sex-trafficking, crime, suicide within the first 2 years.
• If 7% of people who identify as Christian adopted one time, there would be no orphans left.

Here's what I'm NOT saying:

• Only Christians should adopt.  I don't think I know of a family, personally, that wouldn't be a lot better than an orphanage.  I know it is possible...  Adoption and foster care is the responsibility of the Church, AND of everyone who has the means to help.  Whether you are a Christian or not, please help.
• Everyone should adopt.  I'm not saying this.  There are so many ways to help.
• Children's Hope Chest is the only organization out there doing a good job.  They are doing a great job, but there are others, too (see my sidebar).

Children's Hope Chest (http://www.hopechest.org/engage/)  can pair up your church, business, Bible study, neighborhood, book club, etc. with an orphanage.  The goal is to build a long term relationship to effect permanent and lasting change in the lives of orphans.  You provide letters of encouragement to the kids, financial support, prayer support, and watch what God does.  If your heart is moved today, please talk to your pastor or boss or friends about starting something big.

Our church has formed a partnership with a particular orphanage through Children's Hope Chest, and members of our congregation have been there to meet the staff and kids.  God takes the little that we do, and does more than we even ask or think He will!

After you have prayed, may God move your heart to take action.  Today.  Tomorrow.  Ongoing help for orphans.  Please.  Here are other ideas that the kids and I talked about last night:

• Make a shoebox for Operation Christmas Child, or donate something such as Water for Life through their ministry.  (https://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/Giving/gift_catalog/)  Even though this isn't a ministry that is specific to orphans, it is great.
• Sponsor a child through Children's Hope Chest, Compassion International, or another of the many organizations that have built a reputation of integrity over the years.
• Adopt or donate to a family that is fundraising to pay for their adoption fees.  If you don't know of anyone, here's a list:  
• http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/2012/10/a-giveaway-to-bring-them-home.html
• Look into foster care, or support a family that does foster care.  This is hard, heartbreaking, thankless work.  
• Contribute to ending terrible injustices in this world through an organization such as International Justice Mission.   www.ijm.org  Again, not orphan specific, but slavery and sex-trafficking is are issues that affect orphans.
• Contribute to your local food pantry this holiday season.  The need right here in our own neighborhoods is huge.

The Bunny and I have chosen to contribute to IJM.  She is doing Sonlight Core 100 for school this year, and we are reading Amos Fortune,  Free Man, and Elijah of Buxton right now.  The themes of justice and freedom have really moved our hearts.  Amos Fortune was a real person who really purchased his own freedom from slavery and then saved money to purchase four other people.

The Penguin and the Puppy have chosen to give clean water to a family.  The Penguin really felt the impact of lack of clean water when we were in China.   http://www.compassion.com/water-filters.htm

Matthew 9:37

Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few"

The Big Changes of This Week

In 2 weeks, we will celebrate one year since the Panda was put into our arms.  Do you remember that baby Panda?  White as the driven snow, could barely sit up for 30 seconds, could bear no weight on his legs, couldn't hear, had no language....

He seems like a distant memory, a dream.  Sure, he was cute and sweet, but the Panda of  Today is nothing like that little baby cub.  He's gained about 14 lbs and at least 2 inches.  He's a baby on fast- forward.  He can walk, run, tries to jump, zoom around on ride-on train, climb stairs, walk on grass and other "challenging surfaces", go up and down hills.  He jumped in the leaf pile with other kids this weekend and didn't cry (a month ago he wouldn't even walk on grass.)

He knows letters and their sounds, is starting to figure out what I mean by numbers (I think), has lots of signs and more and more words, follows directions, LOVES books, and can hum pretty much on key.  He's having another verbal explosion, asking for more and more words by pointing at everything, and soaking up words like a sponge.  He's starting to try to say more words.  He's still struggling with some consonants, especially j and z.

The Panda went to the Autumn Glory Parade this past weekend with the family.  What has he been afraid of?  Food.  Crowds.  Loud noise.  Grass.  What is at a parade?   Hmmmm....  The Panda went off with my mom's dear friend, and watched the parade like a professional kid.  :)   Only the zooming, zigging, zagging Shriner Cars made him a little nervous.

I sat at my dad's house afterward, remembering one year ago.  I have never experienced an ache like I felt while waiting to go bring the Panda home.  We bought our plane tickets for China last year after the Autumn Glory Parade.  This year, after the parade, I looked into the deep, dark eyes of an amazing person, and cried out to God with great thankfulness.

Ephesians 3:20-21
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

The Lord has changed the Panda in such big ways, and He's changed me too.  

We've had wonderful new things happen between the Panda and food in the last week.  He has licked many new foods, including various chips and crackers, a lollipop (finally), a french fry, and he even bit through a Triscuit.  I convinced him to let me put  a Cheerio into his mouth.  He eventually took it out, but it was in for a bit, and he didn't cry or panic.  He doesn't seem to understand how to chew, though.  Today, he gnawed on a lumpia, though he didn't consume any.  He's getting more consistent about tasting baby food or pudding.    If I offer it on a spoon, he swipes it with his finger, and then licks it off his finger.  Huge progress, even though he won't let the spoon in...  The most amazing thing:  While I picked up the Bunny from our co-op, granddad got the Panda to drink from a straw.  He can suck up lots of water.  Doesn't swallow....  he spits it onto the floor.  Still, I'm jumping for joy here, because sucking and blowing are skills that cleft affected kids can really struggle with!  He also blew bubbles himself today.

Speaking of granddad and his clandestine child-rearing activities....  My dad is so amazing.  This deployment would be beyond difficult without him.  He has upheld his record in teaching 4/4 grandkids how to use a straw.  But he's quirky and such a hoot!  When he thinks the boys' hair is too long, he's been known to shave a stripe down the middle so I have to give them a haircut.  While the other kids and I went on a homeschool hike (too far for the Panda to walk), granddad tried to complete a whole haircut himself.  There was, ummmm, a little trouble... and we ended up with a slightly patchy Panda....  It was so funny to come home and try to figure out what happened....  never a dull moment.

When Your Husband is Away

So, my husband has been deployed for 7 months of a 9-11 month deployment, and we still aren't sure when it is going to be over.  This is the first deployment with my 2 boys (my girls have been through it before).  So far, I can tell you what didn't work.... and maybe a little of what does.

We hit our low point a couple months ago when one son was absolutely breaking every rule, disrespectful, defiant, and angry.  I knew the behaviour stemmed from grief and missing dad.  I was really trying to love him through it, give lots of second chances and kindness, since it isn't normal for this child.  Finally, my neighbor told me to get a backbone and give him some consequences that really hurt.  I'm not great at being the tough parent, but I told him that what we'd been doing hadn't worked, and that we needed a change.  It has helped to crack down, even though things aren't perfect yet.  I was really surprised that meeting bad behaviour from grief with consequence worked, but it did.  This child was not adopted.... that might be a different story.

Lots of people have suggested that his behaviour stemmed from adjusting to his brother, but in the 4 months between adoption and deployment, we didn't have the same issues going on, so I don't think that's it.

So, I fight the battles on getting school done and Godly behaviour.  I don't fight as hard about chores, and timing.  We can do schoolwork after dinner if we played with friends all afternoon.  Dinner never involves meat (yay!). I gave up two of my favorite "me time" activities:  watching grown up TV while folding laundry alone, and Farmville.  Now we watch family movies and fold laundry.  I don't need Farmville anymore, because it was just a way to turn my brain off during the adoption process, when I just couldn't stand my baby being somewhere without me, and I wanted to escape a little.

Here's what I didn't give up:

Praying.  Adoption taught me that prayer really, actually changes real things.  Especially me.

Taking individual kids on dates.  This feels like a stop-gap measure, but it helps some.  Each kid desperately wants their date, but they are clamoring for another one as soon as theirs is over.

Teaching at our homeschool co-op.  I had to leave being a teacher behind when I became a military wife, because we never lived in one place for a whole school year.  Then I became a mom, and don't want to give up the chance to stay home with the kids.  For three hours a week, teaching my wonderful students lets me be myself again, not "MOM!!!!"

Bible Study.  Our church  changed the format of meeting and groups recently, so there is a nursery for Sunday night small groups.  This is such a huge blessing.  Kids and youth have studies and activities, and grownups have a whole 2 hour group.  We are going through Uprooting Anger by Robert Jones, and I cannot recommend this book enough!  I really want to be a patient, Godly, kind mom who still has a backbone, but I fall so short.  When my kids do something that would barely make me blink if it were someone else, sometimes I feel so angry.  God and I need to work on this.

Tae-kwon-do:  What a blessing.  An active activity that all the kids can go to at the same time, with instructors who are male role models and love the Lord, and are fun and great with kids.  Yes, please.

Reading good books and talking about how characters deal with hard things, change, loss, and negative emotions.  Sometimes it helps everyone to be an objective witness to how someone else does things, and then later to realize that it isn't too different from how they do things.  Stories can make the hard topics feel a little safer.

We had "The Summer of Yes" which worked really well, too.  If I didn't have a good reason to say no, I made myself say yes.  "May we have all our friends over" (even though house isn't clean).....  "Yes".
"May we go to the zoo (park, museum, etc)?"  "Yes!"
"May we bake a big dessert together" (and wreck the kitchen)  "Yes."
"Let's play a board game" (my least favorite activity)  "Yes."
The Summer of Yes continued into birthday season just enough to make me have a real party for each kid.  I really don't like birthday parties, and Matt is so good at planning and ideas.  It was sad for me to do it without him, and I would have preferred to avoid it, but it was good.

I've also noticed that some triggers for bad behaviour are going places and doing things that my husband would usually be there for.  Church.  Oh, my.  Church has been embarrassing for me.  Boy Scout ceremonies, soccer games, going on the military base for anything....  I've trained myself now to sit in the car and review the game plan and the ground rules before we get out and do things that usually involve daddy.  This helps, but I still have to be pretty vigilant.

Skype helps too.  This is our first deployment with Skype, and it really is a blessing.  Seeing daddy makes a big difference.  I remember when the girls were little, they would want to show Matt something when he was gone, and they'd run up to it and hold up the phone to it.  So cute.  Now you really can "see" though the phone.

It might be a little bit of an adjustment when Matt comes home.  We'll have to clean more diligently, cook meat again, and stop doing school in the evenings.  :)  Having him back will be priceless.