Saturday, January 28, 2012

Happy New Year!

Last night we finally celebrated Chinese New Year with friends.  We cooked a bunch and my friend brought Ang Pow (red envelopes for giving money- chocolate coins in this case) for the kids, and we put on our outfits for dinner and pictures.  Maybe next year, we'll plan ahead and get some crafts together and learn the Lion Dance.  Holding a baby when you are both wearing silky outfits is a big challenge.

We are 15 days post surgery.  The Panda looks amazing.  He is still not taking the bottle, so I'm still syringe feeding him.  We can start back with spoons on Wed. but I'm pretty sure he won't like them any better than he did before.  Night terrors are getting a little shorter and less frequent.


Friday, January 20, 2012

Ten days post surgery- we've turned a corner, maybe

Today is the first time we've had real smiles, a real bath (with earplugs b/c of ear tubes), and the Panda let me feed him without another adult.  Just 2 oz. this morning before Matt helped.  Then 8 oz. of Pediasure, which the Panda loves.  Then 10 oz. of formula.  Life is getting better.  I feel a little relaxed.  Thank you, God, for this relief.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

One week after surgery

Sleep?  Where have you gone?  My perfect sleeper has moved to Night Terror City.  Ugh.  I don't think he ever sleeps.  He cries half the night.

We are still having to (force) feed him with a syringe.  It takes 2 adults.  It is going better now, because Matt and I are getting better at it, and because on Sunday, we discovered that he had a raging case of thrush, and that is clearing up now.  I don't think that feeding is such a huge issue for most people after cleft surgery, but since the Panda has food aversions, oral aversions, and will only eat formula from a bottle, and bottles aren't allowed after this surgery, it is a big issue for us.  If this is your situation, though, we bought syringe feeders at  http://www.snugglewraps.com/    And, just in case anyone has a baby with thrush, I'm going to mention that in my kids, Nystatin has never killed it.  Gentian Violet killed it in one of my kids.  Probiotic powder for infants (kept in refrigerator case of Whole Foods and health food stores, or non-refrigerated Tummy Tune Up from beeyoutiful.com) dissolved in water and squirted into mouth kills it in 5 days, but you get relief in about 2 days.  Use it 3 times a day.  Take it yourself too.  Your baby will infect you.  It also helped my stomach flu symptoms to be much less, probably.  That was a fun addition to surgery week.

The good:  God provided prayer-ers, ladies who brought soup, ladies who took away other kids, and even a friend to help me clean.  I'm feeling better.  The Panda will go to the doctor on Monday, and we are praying he'll be allowed to use a bottle again.  Praying that the repair looks successful.  We've watched him every minute, but he did worm his way out of a "snuggle wrap" (arm brace) at night once.  Surely thrush in his mouth isn't promoting healing...    What you have to understand is that this Panda is a trooper.  Sweet, but so strong and resilient.

If you are going to go through cleft surgery with your child, it is hard.  Hopefully only 2 weeks of really hard.  You have to block off time to watch them constantly, feed them specially, clean them up, etc.  Make sure you only have front loading outfits- you can't put stuff over their heads...  Really pay attention to how the nurses clean the stitches- we keep getting clots there that we can't seem to clean off.  Keep up with pain medicine on time.  Remember that whatever you are doing, you want to keep from stretching against the stitches....   Be prepared to stay home a lot (unless feeding isn't such an issue for you...)  Be prepared for at least 2 nights in the hospital.  I hate hospitals, and I was glad to stay a second night- I didn't feel able to care for his needs at 24 hours post-surgery.

Today is the first I've felt human, cleaned anything, felt like parenting other kids, etc.

In other news, in less than 2 months, my husband is deploying for a one year tour.  I'm still in denial about this.  Too much to handle.  Too little sleep.  There's a picture from today in the previous post.

Psalm 69:1
Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck.




Saturday, January 14, 2012

Surgery pictures

One week after surgery- increase drooling, moments of playing and attempts at smiling.


Friday, January 13, 2012

Surgery Done

Thomas had surgery two days ago (Jan 11 at 11:30 am), and until late last night, he was miserable.  We were at Children's National Medical Center in DC, and they repaired his cleft palate (bilateral complete, but without having to move the premaxilliary area that most bilateral clefts have), cleft lip, and they gave him ear tubes.


He wouldn't eat formula, had some problems with his oxygen levels, a little airway swelling, and was either sleeping or crying.  He needed morphine for 24 hours after surgery was over (for folks who are might read this and want to know....).  Until this morning, he wasn't really alert at all.  He's still weak and lethargic, but he had some awake time this morning, and had a 2 oz feeding and a 6 oz feeding.  He has to use a syringe or something with a very thin, soft tube.  No bottle for 2 weeks.  Since bottles are still the onlyway he'll eat, this is unpopular.  He's also learning how to swallow with his new palate.

I just keep reminding myself that his 2 weeks of recovery, arm restraints, no bottle, etc. will pass quickly.  It is miserable, but there are so many children here who have so much more to cope with.  Please join me in prayer for these little ones and their families, and the brave nurses and docs who keep doing this hard work.

Please pray that Thomas doesn't have any breathing problems once we go home, and that his repair would hold, and that he wouldn't bump his lip and tear the stitches.  We might go home tonight, or tomorrow.

Thanks for all the encouragement and prayers.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

New Pictures






Happy New Year!

Less than a week until our cleft lip/ palate surgery.  I am going to miss the Panda's little wings, and since he LOVES to look at himself in the mirror, I'm interested to see what he thinks about what he'll look like.  The Panda still is averse to solid food and having his mouth touched in general.  He is now bearing some weight on his legs and is 28 lbs.  He's been with us 9.5 weeks.  He still likes to do things with his feet.  He LOVES hats, and almost always has one on.  He is so much stronger now, and he can get up on his knees and reach up, and he can crawl faster.  He has a killer aim with a ball.  He's still pretty unhappy about baths, but getting better.  The Panda's newest love is the flashlight.  He could shine it around and laugh all day long.

He is always happy except when he isn't.  Unhappiness is rare, but when it happens it is an epic scream-fest.  I'm sorta keeping track of these "events"- almost always on Sunday after nap (after church), Tuesday after the sitter, often after going to stores.  Maybe overstimulation, or maybe just insecurity?

We rang in the New Year with another adoptive family in our neighborhood.  I'm so glad that the Panda has some extra jie-jie's around, and having a friend who's been there is truly a gift.  Matt left for Guam the next day.  Ugh.  Due to the big snowstorm in WV, my dad has come for a visit, which is very very very nice.

I really think we've had a super easy adoption experience.  That being said, it is so hard.  My teen years were pretty hormonal and emotional, and I think I might have designed my adult life to avoid drama and extreme emotion.  This is all over.  Waiting for the Panda was so painful- not knowing if my baby was ok/ cared for/ cold/ hungry was overwhelming.  Having him home is such a relief.  I don't even think I knew that relief was an emotion until I had him home.  Now I look at him, and go through a wide range of emotion every day (hour. minute).

Thankfulness- God is so merciful.  The Panda is basically a happy person who is sweet and gentle.

Joy- Baby laughter produces joy.

Anger- My 2.5 year old is a baby still.  He was ignored too much and not stimulated enough, and his caretakers were the good ones.  There are millions of babies in this world with even less.

Pain- Can we give him enough love and safety to fill up the holes that are left?

Sadness- For his other mother.  How I wish I could show her that her baby is safe and that he is a wonderful person.  She will have to live her whole life not knowing where he is.  This breaks my heart.

Love- I'll admit that my adjustment to motherhood with the Bunny was rocky and rough.  I didn't love her right away- I had that fierce, maternal, protective kind of love, but I spent months in pain after her birth, and got no sleep, so there was none of the peaceful, sweet love.  The peaceful, sweet love is easy with the Panda.  He's blessed that the Bunny has forged the road.  The Panda still gets his little arm between us, but he's kinda snuggly, and I can just eat him up.  Gazing into his eyes is a real treat.  Our guide said they are "phoenix eyes", and they really are deep and dark and fabulous.

Sorry for a long one, but here's what I'm thinking about.  I know that even if we work really hard to be perfect parents, we are still going to fall way short.  We can't fill up all the love and security that the Panda has missed.  God can.  The Panda isn't the only one of us who needs to be filled up by the Lord....


These verses are from Joel 2:



25 “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—
   the great locust and the young locust,
   the other locusts and the locust swarm
my great army that I sent among you.... 
26 You will have plenty to eat, until you are full,
   and you will praise the name of the LORD your God,
   who has worked wonders for you;
never again will my people be shamed.
27 Then you will know that I am in Israel,
   that I am the LORD your God,
   and that there is no other;
never again will my people be shamed.
 28 “And afterward, 
   I will pour out my Spirit on all people. 
Your sons and daughters will prophesy, 
   your old men will dream dreams, 
   your young men will see visions. 
29 Even on my servants, both men and women, 
   I will pour out my Spirit in those days.