One Blog Per Month

Ok, I'm not keeping up with blogging....  But good news!  Those little penguins at the top of my blog are wrong.  ETA is March 8!!!  Two weeks!

2


So, I've been busy de-cluttering.  Basement is done.  Boys room is done.
Main floor?  Master bedroom?  Maybe I won't be blogging much over the next two weeks....

Homeschooling is just really taking more time this year than it ever has before.

The Panda is doing amazing new things.  He is biting crunchy foods.  Not biting through them, or chewing and consuming, but it is still progress.  He just started really licking a spoon (or spoon like feeding tool) consistently two weeks ago.  Right at the  end of a therapy session, where we had not convinced him to lick anything at all (and were feeling discouraged), he said "bath!".  I told him he could have a bath if he licked, and the little tongue came right out and he licked the baby food.  Wow!  He got that bath right away!

The next week, our wonderful feeding therapist came, armed and ready, with a new little chart.  It had 5 velcro pandas and a velcro bathtub.  We told him to lick 5 times and he'd get a bath.  We bribed him in between bites with "ooop" (his name for my phone).  He got to pop a few bubbles on this silly little app he loves.  We also bribed him with sips of my tea.  He was resistant at first, but when he realized that licking got a panda, and pandas meant bath, he hurried up and licked the food.  It seems so strange to reward him with tea from a spoon for taking food from a spoon... the reward is so similar to the thing he fears....

*I guess I didn't blog about our big achievements with drinking clear liquids from a spoon.  He likes to sip water and tea from a spoon.  Sometimes chicken broth.  Never something opaque like coffee with cream, or creamy soup.  Still, considering how terrified he used to be of a spoon approaching his mouth, this is huge.*

Today, we told him he'd have to get 10 pandas.  He got them so fast, that we told him that for the last 2, he'd have to let the feeding tool into his mouth, not just lick.  It didn't take much convincing... just a little... and he let me put it all the way in his mouth and he closed his lips!

In the last month, the Panda has had another language explosion.  He's talking much more, using more 2 syllable words, and stringing 2-3 words together.  Some words are still hard to understand, and I think this is due to his cleft.  He's learning so much, so fast!  He's also learned to 2 footed jump.  This might be the first physical milestone to which he's beaten one of his siblings....  :)

I'll see what silly pictures I can find...  I know there aren't any from Chinese New Year.  All 4 kids got their silks on.  The Puppy squeezed into the largest boy silk and it was highwater.  The Bunny also wore the largest size girl outfit I bought.  We had to do some damage control- very unexpectedly high slits in the legs....  Hooray for spandex leggings....  I can't believe how much they've grown!  But anyway, as soon as the huge, stuffed dragon puppet thing came out for the dragon dance, the Panda (with his big fear of stuffed animals) peed his pants.  And mine....  So, no pictures.  The Chinese classes from our local high school did an amazing job hosting and performing.

 Bedtime... very calm play...

 The Panda tries out some mascara....

Two More Weeks With Daddy

Well, our last 2 week visit to Matt is coming to an end.  There were some amazing parts, and some not so great moments.  The not so great moments included a dragging week of the flu, complete with every unfortunate symptom.  Matt and the Panda were spared, thank God!

We arrived in FL and took a day to recover.  Then we had a great time at Universal Studios.  The Puppy was finally tall enough to ride most things, and the Penguin has become quite the brave roller coaster rider.

We had an amazing Christmas Eve with friends of Matt from work.  We were strangers to this family, but they had that amazing gift of hospitality that makes company feel so welcome.  They included us in their Christmas traditions and it was a wonderful night!  The kids got to do Christmas crackers, and pulled them apart and wore their crowns for dinner.  They even made our Christmas day special by sending us home with gifts of board games, which is just what we needed for fun in Matt's apartment.

We played with our big Christmas present, the Kinect, and our board games all day Christmas day.  Then, Christmas night, the illness began.  The Puppy went first, then the Penguin and I, and last the Bunny.  It was ugly.  As much as I feel bad that we spent most of our visit with Matt totally sick, I am also thankful that he was here.  The Puppy and I would have had a hysterical trip to the ER without sensible, calm dad.  Every time the Puppy woke up, I shoved the bucket in front of him.  The second night of illness (which was my 3rd night without sleep because the Panda had a night terror and then the Puppy got sick), the Puppy coughed over the bucket and when he was done, the bucket was filled with blood.  I started to freak out.  Adrenaline surged.  Matt came out, laughed at my heroic flight toward the hospital with "dying Puppy", and told me it was a nosebleed.  Then Matt and the Puppy watched me roll on the floor with inappropriate laughter.  The Puppy asked, "What's wrong with mommy?"  Matt just laughed and put him back to bed.  Probably didn't help that my fever had started....  :)

And so a week passed...  we had a nice day at Busch Gardens once all the fevers were gone.  The Penguin's new found love of serious coasters increased.  The boys and I were glad there are lots of animals to see at Busch Gardens.  We also visited Heritage Village yesterday, which is a settlement with interpreters about life here in central FL in the mid 1800's.  It was fun to see many old things- non-electric lawn mowers, washer/ringers, ice cream machines, ice boxes, carpet sweepers, stoves, etc.  The homes that are on site are beautiful.  The House of Seven Gables shows how the wealthy lived, and it is a mansion sized work of art.  The Log Cabin showed how the "middle class" lived- it belonged to a mom of 11 who became a midwife during the pre-Civil War and war time.  She ended up with 30 children to foster, since she took children whose mothers died giving birth.  The Penguin was thrilled that the interpreter here was spinning wool with a wheel.

As we leave for home tomorrow, I am SO glad that in 10 weeks, this deployment will be over.  I'm also glad that Matt feels like he has made a difference in the job he's doing and likes it.  I'm glad that the next time we see him, it will be at HOME!  (or maybe Norfolk... but still....)  I am really looking forward to another visit with our wonderful "family friends" in Jax.  For someone who didn't have any sisters, I have been blessed with so many amazing friends who are as good as sisters.

Here's what the great thing about the military life is.  Old friends who "get it".  Civilian old friends who also get it and are willing to walk through it with you and open their homes to you.  New friends who take in a family of strangers for Christmas and just bless them.  Nothing can make a deployment feel "worth it" to me- a year is too long to be apart, and it has been very hard for the kids.  These things make it special and bearable, though.

I am not looking forward to that drive.  But I can do it one last time.  I get home late Sunday night, and life starts full force on Monday.  I'm not sure I'm going to make it.  Aaaaaahhhhhhhh!

I also realize that being sick caused me to take almost no pictures of this visit.  :(

Trip to Visit Daddy

We leave in the morning to head home from a lovely 2 weeks with Matt.  While we were here, we found out that his deployment would be re-extended to a full 12 months, instead of the 9 months it had been changed to, so instead of 1 month left, we now have 4.  This is pretty tough for me to swallow.  I keep telling myself that we went into this expecting one year, and that 9 months would have been so much better than expected, but I let myself get my hopes up...

We spent 4 of our days at Disney parks, which was really fun.  The big kids have been many times, but it was the first Disney trip for the Panda.  He did better than I expected.  He is still afraid of fireworks.  The Haunted Mansion was the only ride that scared him at all.  He had one night terror for the whole 2 weeks, but it was not after a Disney day, so I think he really did enjoy himself.

Matt tried valiantly to get the Panda to eat, but we are still stuck at the "will lick a tiny amount of food, but then all done!" stage.  Oral aversion is really a tough situation.

The Panda said his first consonant blend today.  "Bl"  I was so excited!  It is obvious that his expressive language is much more advanced than his expressive.  I really can't wait until he can communicate better.

I am SO THANKFUL for our friends here in FL who are willing to take in "the Zoo" for a couple nights when we are travelling.  Military kids who spend a few duty stations together and a few apart form such tight bonds, and being able to get them back together is priceless.  They stuffed us for Thanksgiving, and help with the Panda's therapy ("dad style" therapy is different and more fun than "mom style"...)

My big news for this trip:  I got a smart phone.  I can text!  Check email.  Take pictures.  Wow.  I really want to figure out how to do coupons on the phone...  Bad news is that my contacts wouldn't move from my old phone, so please send me a facebook message or email with your numbers and addresses if you want me to have them!!!

Pictures

The Panda has just passed the one year mark as an official Matthias.  Hooray!  I clearly haven't posted any pictures for months...  so here it goes:

Orphan Sunday

Yesterday we observed Orphan Sunday as a church.  I spent the day on the edge of tears, partly because my heart is broken for kids who don't have parents, but partly because as an individual and as a collective Church, we are not nearly heartbroken enough.

We have seen first hand the miracle that God does in a child's life when they are adopted into a family.  We are FAR from perfect, and there is conflict and chaos around here, but there is also love and attention.  Adopting one child barely makes a dent in the global crisis, but God can use our little bit to make a big change.  Our lives have changed for the better because of the Panda, and his life is so very different than it was a year ago today.


Psalm 68:6
God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.


Let's all ask:

What little bit can I do?

First, please pray.  There are orphans whose basic needs are not being met.  They are sleeping on hard boards, with no heat, not enough clothing and food.  Prayer really changes things, for us and for orphans.


James 5:16
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.


We were blessed to have Tom Davis, CEO of Children's Hope Chest and adoptive dad, Skype in to bring us a sermon.  Here are some things that he told us.  My prayer is that God would continually break my heart for the horrors that break His.  I share these things, because if He breaks your heart too, more people will be moved to action.  As a Church, we must stop denying the suffering, and do something.

• Children age out of orphanages around the world, usually between the ages of 14-18 yrs.  They go off into the world with no support, family, job, or home.
• About 70% of these children fall victim to prostitution, sex-trafficking, crime, suicide within the first 2 years.
• If 7% of people who identify as Christian adopted one time, there would be no orphans left.

Here's what I'm NOT saying:

• Only Christians should adopt.  I don't think I know of a family, personally, that wouldn't be a lot better than an orphanage.  I know it is possible...  Adoption and foster care is the responsibility of the Church, AND of everyone who has the means to help.  Whether you are a Christian or not, please help.
• Everyone should adopt.  I'm not saying this.  There are so many ways to help.
• Children's Hope Chest is the only organization out there doing a good job.  They are doing a great job, but there are others, too (see my sidebar).

Children's Hope Chest (http://www.hopechest.org/engage/)  can pair up your church, business, Bible study, neighborhood, book club, etc. with an orphanage.  The goal is to build a long term relationship to effect permanent and lasting change in the lives of orphans.  You provide letters of encouragement to the kids, financial support, prayer support, and watch what God does.  If your heart is moved today, please talk to your pastor or boss or friends about starting something big.

Our church has formed a partnership with a particular orphanage through Children's Hope Chest, and members of our congregation have been there to meet the staff and kids.  God takes the little that we do, and does more than we even ask or think He will!

After you have prayed, may God move your heart to take action.  Today.  Tomorrow.  Ongoing help for orphans.  Please.  Here are other ideas that the kids and I talked about last night:

• Make a shoebox for Operation Christmas Child, or donate something such as Water for Life through their ministry.  (https://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/Giving/gift_catalog/)  Even though this isn't a ministry that is specific to orphans, it is great.
• Sponsor a child through Children's Hope Chest, Compassion International, or another of the many organizations that have built a reputation of integrity over the years.
• Adopt or donate to a family that is fundraising to pay for their adoption fees.  If you don't know of anyone, here's a list:  
• http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/2012/10/a-giveaway-to-bring-them-home.html
• Look into foster care, or support a family that does foster care.  This is hard, heartbreaking, thankless work.  
• Contribute to ending terrible injustices in this world through an organization such as International Justice Mission.   www.ijm.org  Again, not orphan specific, but slavery and sex-trafficking is are issues that affect orphans.
• Contribute to your local food pantry this holiday season.  The need right here in our own neighborhoods is huge.

The Bunny and I have chosen to contribute to IJM.  She is doing Sonlight Core 100 for school this year, and we are reading Amos Fortune,  Free Man, and Elijah of Buxton right now.  The themes of justice and freedom have really moved our hearts.  Amos Fortune was a real person who really purchased his own freedom from slavery and then saved money to purchase four other people.

The Penguin and the Puppy have chosen to give clean water to a family.  The Penguin really felt the impact of lack of clean water when we were in China.   http://www.compassion.com/water-filters.htm

Matthew 9:37

Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few"

The Big Changes of This Week

In 2 weeks, we will celebrate one year since the Panda was put into our arms.  Do you remember that baby Panda?  White as the driven snow, could barely sit up for 30 seconds, could bear no weight on his legs, couldn't hear, had no language....

He seems like a distant memory, a dream.  Sure, he was cute and sweet, but the Panda of  Today is nothing like that little baby cub.  He's gained about 14 lbs and at least 2 inches.  He's a baby on fast- forward.  He can walk, run, tries to jump, zoom around on ride-on train, climb stairs, walk on grass and other "challenging surfaces", go up and down hills.  He jumped in the leaf pile with other kids this weekend and didn't cry (a month ago he wouldn't even walk on grass.)

He knows letters and their sounds, is starting to figure out what I mean by numbers (I think), has lots of signs and more and more words, follows directions, LOVES books, and can hum pretty much on key.  He's having another verbal explosion, asking for more and more words by pointing at everything, and soaking up words like a sponge.  He's starting to try to say more words.  He's still struggling with some consonants, especially j and z.

The Panda went to the Autumn Glory Parade this past weekend with the family.  What has he been afraid of?  Food.  Crowds.  Loud noise.  Grass.  What is at a parade?   Hmmmm....  The Panda went off with my mom's dear friend, and watched the parade like a professional kid.  :)   Only the zooming, zigging, zagging Shriner Cars made him a little nervous.

I sat at my dad's house afterward, remembering one year ago.  I have never experienced an ache like I felt while waiting to go bring the Panda home.  We bought our plane tickets for China last year after the Autumn Glory Parade.  This year, after the parade, I looked into the deep, dark eyes of an amazing person, and cried out to God with great thankfulness.

Ephesians 3:20-21
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

The Lord has changed the Panda in such big ways, and He's changed me too.  

We've had wonderful new things happen between the Panda and food in the last week.  He has licked many new foods, including various chips and crackers, a lollipop (finally), a french fry, and he even bit through a Triscuit.  I convinced him to let me put  a Cheerio into his mouth.  He eventually took it out, but it was in for a bit, and he didn't cry or panic.  He doesn't seem to understand how to chew, though.  Today, he gnawed on a lumpia, though he didn't consume any.  He's getting more consistent about tasting baby food or pudding.    If I offer it on a spoon, he swipes it with his finger, and then licks it off his finger.  Huge progress, even though he won't let the spoon in...  The most amazing thing:  While I picked up the Bunny from our co-op, granddad got the Panda to drink from a straw.  He can suck up lots of water.  Doesn't swallow....  he spits it onto the floor.  Still, I'm jumping for joy here, because sucking and blowing are skills that cleft affected kids can really struggle with!  He also blew bubbles himself today.

Speaking of granddad and his clandestine child-rearing activities....  My dad is so amazing.  This deployment would be beyond difficult without him.  He has upheld his record in teaching 4/4 grandkids how to use a straw.  But he's quirky and such a hoot!  When he thinks the boys' hair is too long, he's been known to shave a stripe down the middle so I have to give them a haircut.  While the other kids and I went on a homeschool hike (too far for the Panda to walk), granddad tried to complete a whole haircut himself.  There was, ummmm, a little trouble... and we ended up with a slightly patchy Panda....  It was so funny to come home and try to figure out what happened....  never a dull moment.

When Your Husband is Away

So, my husband has been deployed for 7 months of a 9-11 month deployment, and we still aren't sure when it is going to be over.  This is the first deployment with my 2 boys (my girls have been through it before).  So far, I can tell you what didn't work.... and maybe a little of what does.

We hit our low point a couple months ago when one son was absolutely breaking every rule, disrespectful, defiant, and angry.  I knew the behaviour stemmed from grief and missing dad.  I was really trying to love him through it, give lots of second chances and kindness, since it isn't normal for this child.  Finally, my neighbor told me to get a backbone and give him some consequences that really hurt.  I'm not great at being the tough parent, but I told him that what we'd been doing hadn't worked, and that we needed a change.  It has helped to crack down, even though things aren't perfect yet.  I was really surprised that meeting bad behaviour from grief with consequence worked, but it did.  This child was not adopted.... that might be a different story.

Lots of people have suggested that his behaviour stemmed from adjusting to his brother, but in the 4 months between adoption and deployment, we didn't have the same issues going on, so I don't think that's it.

So, I fight the battles on getting school done and Godly behaviour.  I don't fight as hard about chores, and timing.  We can do schoolwork after dinner if we played with friends all afternoon.  Dinner never involves meat (yay!). I gave up two of my favorite "me time" activities:  watching grown up TV while folding laundry alone, and Farmville.  Now we watch family movies and fold laundry.  I don't need Farmville anymore, because it was just a way to turn my brain off during the adoption process, when I just couldn't stand my baby being somewhere without me, and I wanted to escape a little.

Here's what I didn't give up:

Praying.  Adoption taught me that prayer really, actually changes real things.  Especially me.

Taking individual kids on dates.  This feels like a stop-gap measure, but it helps some.  Each kid desperately wants their date, but they are clamoring for another one as soon as theirs is over.

Teaching at our homeschool co-op.  I had to leave being a teacher behind when I became a military wife, because we never lived in one place for a whole school year.  Then I became a mom, and don't want to give up the chance to stay home with the kids.  For three hours a week, teaching my wonderful students lets me be myself again, not "MOM!!!!"

Bible Study.  Our church  changed the format of meeting and groups recently, so there is a nursery for Sunday night small groups.  This is such a huge blessing.  Kids and youth have studies and activities, and grownups have a whole 2 hour group.  We are going through Uprooting Anger by Robert Jones, and I cannot recommend this book enough!  I really want to be a patient, Godly, kind mom who still has a backbone, but I fall so short.  When my kids do something that would barely make me blink if it were someone else, sometimes I feel so angry.  God and I need to work on this.

Tae-kwon-do:  What a blessing.  An active activity that all the kids can go to at the same time, with instructors who are male role models and love the Lord, and are fun and great with kids.  Yes, please.

Reading good books and talking about how characters deal with hard things, change, loss, and negative emotions.  Sometimes it helps everyone to be an objective witness to how someone else does things, and then later to realize that it isn't too different from how they do things.  Stories can make the hard topics feel a little safer.

We had "The Summer of Yes" which worked really well, too.  If I didn't have a good reason to say no, I made myself say yes.  "May we have all our friends over" (even though house isn't clean).....  "Yes".
"May we go to the zoo (park, museum, etc)?"  "Yes!"
"May we bake a big dessert together" (and wreck the kitchen)  "Yes."
"Let's play a board game" (my least favorite activity)  "Yes."
The Summer of Yes continued into birthday season just enough to make me have a real party for each kid.  I really don't like birthday parties, and Matt is so good at planning and ideas.  It was sad for me to do it without him, and I would have preferred to avoid it, but it was good.

I've also noticed that some triggers for bad behaviour are going places and doing things that my husband would usually be there for.  Church.  Oh, my.  Church has been embarrassing for me.  Boy Scout ceremonies, soccer games, going on the military base for anything....  I've trained myself now to sit in the car and review the game plan and the ground rules before we get out and do things that usually involve daddy.  This helps, but I still have to be pretty vigilant.

Skype helps too.  This is our first deployment with Skype, and it really is a blessing.  Seeing daddy makes a big difference.  I remember when the girls were little, they would want to show Matt something when he was gone, and they'd run up to it and hold up the phone to it.  So cute.  Now you really can "see" though the phone.

It might be a little bit of an adjustment when Matt comes home.  We'll have to clean more diligently, cook meat again, and stop doing school in the evenings.  :)  Having him back will be priceless.