Trip to Visit Daddy

We leave in the morning to head home from a lovely 2 weeks with Matt.  While we were here, we found out that his deployment would be re-extended to a full 12 months, instead of the 9 months it had been changed to, so instead of 1 month left, we now have 4.  This is pretty tough for me to swallow.  I keep telling myself that we went into this expecting one year, and that 9 months would have been so much better than expected, but I let myself get my hopes up...

We spent 4 of our days at Disney parks, which was really fun.  The big kids have been many times, but it was the first Disney trip for the Panda.  He did better than I expected.  He is still afraid of fireworks.  The Haunted Mansion was the only ride that scared him at all.  He had one night terror for the whole 2 weeks, but it was not after a Disney day, so I think he really did enjoy himself.

Matt tried valiantly to get the Panda to eat, but we are still stuck at the "will lick a tiny amount of food, but then all done!" stage.  Oral aversion is really a tough situation.

The Panda said his first consonant blend today.  "Bl"  I was so excited!  It is obvious that his expressive language is much more advanced than his expressive.  I really can't wait until he can communicate better.

I am SO THANKFUL for our friends here in FL who are willing to take in "the Zoo" for a couple nights when we are travelling.  Military kids who spend a few duty stations together and a few apart form such tight bonds, and being able to get them back together is priceless.  They stuffed us for Thanksgiving, and help with the Panda's therapy ("dad style" therapy is different and more fun than "mom style"...)

My big news for this trip:  I got a smart phone.  I can text!  Check email.  Take pictures.  Wow.  I really want to figure out how to do coupons on the phone...  Bad news is that my contacts wouldn't move from my old phone, so please send me a facebook message or email with your numbers and addresses if you want me to have them!!!

Pictures

The Panda has just passed the one year mark as an official Matthias.  Hooray!  I clearly haven't posted any pictures for months...  so here it goes:

Orphan Sunday

Yesterday we observed Orphan Sunday as a church.  I spent the day on the edge of tears, partly because my heart is broken for kids who don't have parents, but partly because as an individual and as a collective Church, we are not nearly heartbroken enough.

We have seen first hand the miracle that God does in a child's life when they are adopted into a family.  We are FAR from perfect, and there is conflict and chaos around here, but there is also love and attention.  Adopting one child barely makes a dent in the global crisis, but God can use our little bit to make a big change.  Our lives have changed for the better because of the Panda, and his life is so very different than it was a year ago today.


Psalm 68:6
God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.


Let's all ask:

What little bit can I do?

First, please pray.  There are orphans whose basic needs are not being met.  They are sleeping on hard boards, with no heat, not enough clothing and food.  Prayer really changes things, for us and for orphans.


James 5:16
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.


We were blessed to have Tom Davis, CEO of Children's Hope Chest and adoptive dad, Skype in to bring us a sermon.  Here are some things that he told us.  My prayer is that God would continually break my heart for the horrors that break His.  I share these things, because if He breaks your heart too, more people will be moved to action.  As a Church, we must stop denying the suffering, and do something.

• Children age out of orphanages around the world, usually between the ages of 14-18 yrs.  They go off into the world with no support, family, job, or home.
• About 70% of these children fall victim to prostitution, sex-trafficking, crime, suicide within the first 2 years.
• If 7% of people who identify as Christian adopted one time, there would be no orphans left.

Here's what I'm NOT saying:

• Only Christians should adopt.  I don't think I know of a family, personally, that wouldn't be a lot better than an orphanage.  I know it is possible...  Adoption and foster care is the responsibility of the Church, AND of everyone who has the means to help.  Whether you are a Christian or not, please help.
• Everyone should adopt.  I'm not saying this.  There are so many ways to help.
• Children's Hope Chest is the only organization out there doing a good job.  They are doing a great job, but there are others, too (see my sidebar).

Children's Hope Chest (http://www.hopechest.org/engage/)  can pair up your church, business, Bible study, neighborhood, book club, etc. with an orphanage.  The goal is to build a long term relationship to effect permanent and lasting change in the lives of orphans.  You provide letters of encouragement to the kids, financial support, prayer support, and watch what God does.  If your heart is moved today, please talk to your pastor or boss or friends about starting something big.

Our church has formed a partnership with a particular orphanage through Children's Hope Chest, and members of our congregation have been there to meet the staff and kids.  God takes the little that we do, and does more than we even ask or think He will!

After you have prayed, may God move your heart to take action.  Today.  Tomorrow.  Ongoing help for orphans.  Please.  Here are other ideas that the kids and I talked about last night:

• Make a shoebox for Operation Christmas Child, or donate something such as Water for Life through their ministry.  (https://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/Giving/gift_catalog/)  Even though this isn't a ministry that is specific to orphans, it is great.
• Sponsor a child through Children's Hope Chest, Compassion International, or another of the many organizations that have built a reputation of integrity over the years.
• Adopt or donate to a family that is fundraising to pay for their adoption fees.  If you don't know of anyone, here's a list:  
• http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/2012/10/a-giveaway-to-bring-them-home.html
• Look into foster care, or support a family that does foster care.  This is hard, heartbreaking, thankless work.  
• Contribute to ending terrible injustices in this world through an organization such as International Justice Mission.   www.ijm.org  Again, not orphan specific, but slavery and sex-trafficking is are issues that affect orphans.
• Contribute to your local food pantry this holiday season.  The need right here in our own neighborhoods is huge.

The Bunny and I have chosen to contribute to IJM.  She is doing Sonlight Core 100 for school this year, and we are reading Amos Fortune,  Free Man, and Elijah of Buxton right now.  The themes of justice and freedom have really moved our hearts.  Amos Fortune was a real person who really purchased his own freedom from slavery and then saved money to purchase four other people.

The Penguin and the Puppy have chosen to give clean water to a family.  The Penguin really felt the impact of lack of clean water when we were in China.   http://www.compassion.com/water-filters.htm

Matthew 9:37

Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few"

The Big Changes of This Week

In 2 weeks, we will celebrate one year since the Panda was put into our arms.  Do you remember that baby Panda?  White as the driven snow, could barely sit up for 30 seconds, could bear no weight on his legs, couldn't hear, had no language....

He seems like a distant memory, a dream.  Sure, he was cute and sweet, but the Panda of  Today is nothing like that little baby cub.  He's gained about 14 lbs and at least 2 inches.  He's a baby on fast- forward.  He can walk, run, tries to jump, zoom around on ride-on train, climb stairs, walk on grass and other "challenging surfaces", go up and down hills.  He jumped in the leaf pile with other kids this weekend and didn't cry (a month ago he wouldn't even walk on grass.)

He knows letters and their sounds, is starting to figure out what I mean by numbers (I think), has lots of signs and more and more words, follows directions, LOVES books, and can hum pretty much on key.  He's having another verbal explosion, asking for more and more words by pointing at everything, and soaking up words like a sponge.  He's starting to try to say more words.  He's still struggling with some consonants, especially j and z.

The Panda went to the Autumn Glory Parade this past weekend with the family.  What has he been afraid of?  Food.  Crowds.  Loud noise.  Grass.  What is at a parade?   Hmmmm....  The Panda went off with my mom's dear friend, and watched the parade like a professional kid.  :)   Only the zooming, zigging, zagging Shriner Cars made him a little nervous.

I sat at my dad's house afterward, remembering one year ago.  I have never experienced an ache like I felt while waiting to go bring the Panda home.  We bought our plane tickets for China last year after the Autumn Glory Parade.  This year, after the parade, I looked into the deep, dark eyes of an amazing person, and cried out to God with great thankfulness.

Ephesians 3:20-21
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

The Lord has changed the Panda in such big ways, and He's changed me too.  

We've had wonderful new things happen between the Panda and food in the last week.  He has licked many new foods, including various chips and crackers, a lollipop (finally), a french fry, and he even bit through a Triscuit.  I convinced him to let me put  a Cheerio into his mouth.  He eventually took it out, but it was in for a bit, and he didn't cry or panic.  He doesn't seem to understand how to chew, though.  Today, he gnawed on a lumpia, though he didn't consume any.  He's getting more consistent about tasting baby food or pudding.    If I offer it on a spoon, he swipes it with his finger, and then licks it off his finger.  Huge progress, even though he won't let the spoon in...  The most amazing thing:  While I picked up the Bunny from our co-op, granddad got the Panda to drink from a straw.  He can suck up lots of water.  Doesn't swallow....  he spits it onto the floor.  Still, I'm jumping for joy here, because sucking and blowing are skills that cleft affected kids can really struggle with!  He also blew bubbles himself today.

Speaking of granddad and his clandestine child-rearing activities....  My dad is so amazing.  This deployment would be beyond difficult without him.  He has upheld his record in teaching 4/4 grandkids how to use a straw.  But he's quirky and such a hoot!  When he thinks the boys' hair is too long, he's been known to shave a stripe down the middle so I have to give them a haircut.  While the other kids and I went on a homeschool hike (too far for the Panda to walk), granddad tried to complete a whole haircut himself.  There was, ummmm, a little trouble... and we ended up with a slightly patchy Panda....  It was so funny to come home and try to figure out what happened....  never a dull moment.

When Your Husband is Away

So, my husband has been deployed for 7 months of a 9-11 month deployment, and we still aren't sure when it is going to be over.  This is the first deployment with my 2 boys (my girls have been through it before).  So far, I can tell you what didn't work.... and maybe a little of what does.

We hit our low point a couple months ago when one son was absolutely breaking every rule, disrespectful, defiant, and angry.  I knew the behaviour stemmed from grief and missing dad.  I was really trying to love him through it, give lots of second chances and kindness, since it isn't normal for this child.  Finally, my neighbor told me to get a backbone and give him some consequences that really hurt.  I'm not great at being the tough parent, but I told him that what we'd been doing hadn't worked, and that we needed a change.  It has helped to crack down, even though things aren't perfect yet.  I was really surprised that meeting bad behaviour from grief with consequence worked, but it did.  This child was not adopted.... that might be a different story.

Lots of people have suggested that his behaviour stemmed from adjusting to his brother, but in the 4 months between adoption and deployment, we didn't have the same issues going on, so I don't think that's it.

So, I fight the battles on getting school done and Godly behaviour.  I don't fight as hard about chores, and timing.  We can do schoolwork after dinner if we played with friends all afternoon.  Dinner never involves meat (yay!). I gave up two of my favorite "me time" activities:  watching grown up TV while folding laundry alone, and Farmville.  Now we watch family movies and fold laundry.  I don't need Farmville anymore, because it was just a way to turn my brain off during the adoption process, when I just couldn't stand my baby being somewhere without me, and I wanted to escape a little.

Here's what I didn't give up:

Praying.  Adoption taught me that prayer really, actually changes real things.  Especially me.

Taking individual kids on dates.  This feels like a stop-gap measure, but it helps some.  Each kid desperately wants their date, but they are clamoring for another one as soon as theirs is over.

Teaching at our homeschool co-op.  I had to leave being a teacher behind when I became a military wife, because we never lived in one place for a whole school year.  Then I became a mom, and don't want to give up the chance to stay home with the kids.  For three hours a week, teaching my wonderful students lets me be myself again, not "MOM!!!!"

Bible Study.  Our church  changed the format of meeting and groups recently, so there is a nursery for Sunday night small groups.  This is such a huge blessing.  Kids and youth have studies and activities, and grownups have a whole 2 hour group.  We are going through Uprooting Anger by Robert Jones, and I cannot recommend this book enough!  I really want to be a patient, Godly, kind mom who still has a backbone, but I fall so short.  When my kids do something that would barely make me blink if it were someone else, sometimes I feel so angry.  God and I need to work on this.

Tae-kwon-do:  What a blessing.  An active activity that all the kids can go to at the same time, with instructors who are male role models and love the Lord, and are fun and great with kids.  Yes, please.

Reading good books and talking about how characters deal with hard things, change, loss, and negative emotions.  Sometimes it helps everyone to be an objective witness to how someone else does things, and then later to realize that it isn't too different from how they do things.  Stories can make the hard topics feel a little safer.

We had "The Summer of Yes" which worked really well, too.  If I didn't have a good reason to say no, I made myself say yes.  "May we have all our friends over" (even though house isn't clean).....  "Yes".
"May we go to the zoo (park, museum, etc)?"  "Yes!"
"May we bake a big dessert together" (and wreck the kitchen)  "Yes."
"Let's play a board game" (my least favorite activity)  "Yes."
The Summer of Yes continued into birthday season just enough to make me have a real party for each kid.  I really don't like birthday parties, and Matt is so good at planning and ideas.  It was sad for me to do it without him, and I would have preferred to avoid it, but it was good.

I've also noticed that some triggers for bad behaviour are going places and doing things that my husband would usually be there for.  Church.  Oh, my.  Church has been embarrassing for me.  Boy Scout ceremonies, soccer games, going on the military base for anything....  I've trained myself now to sit in the car and review the game plan and the ground rules before we get out and do things that usually involve daddy.  This helps, but I still have to be pretty vigilant.

Skype helps too.  This is our first deployment with Skype, and it really is a blessing.  Seeing daddy makes a big difference.  I remember when the girls were little, they would want to show Matt something when he was gone, and they'd run up to it and hold up the phone to it.  So cute.  Now you really can "see" though the phone.

It might be a little bit of an adjustment when Matt comes home.  We'll have to clean more diligently, cook meat again, and stop doing school in the evenings.  :)  Having him back will be priceless.

Trip to Visit Daddy and Grandparents Visit

Whew!  We have had a busy 3 weeks.

On July 31, we went to the Panda's first cleft team appointment since his surgery.  Everyone was very happy except the developmental psychologist.  He thought that "a 3 year old should be off the bottle right now!".  I just got the report from the team in the mail, and he said that "mom was resistant to my suggestions".  I told him that I thought maybe the attachment people would disagree with him, and that I placed more value on secure attachment than age-appropriate milestones.  Guess my opinion didn't convince him....  I would have expected someone in his field to have a little flexibility for someone that spent 27 months in an orphanage and 9 months in a family.

Speaking of attachment, I am amazed at how much progress we've made.  After 6 months home, I would have said that it was going great.  Now that we've been home 9 months, I think it actually is going great.  The Panda has started letting us hug and kiss him without wedging the little "stiff arm" between himself and us.  When I say "I love you", he smiles or gives a happy little sigh, and he's started doing the sign language "I love you" to us.  I am sure that he knows what I mean when I say it.  We went to a kid play area at a mall for the first time, and he went off happily, but came back to check in every minute or so.  He has also started to   hum along when I sing!  How cute is that?  He really wants to sign, and works hard to move his little fingers into the right shapes.  During our trip to Tampa Bay, he fell asleep in my arms for the first time, like it was a natural, normal thing.  Aaaaah.

We are also, finally, having some progress at feeding.  In the last week, the Panda has licked a zoo cookie that I was holding for him until it crumbled a little into his mouth.  He must have licked it 50 times, which is 50 times more than he'd ever licked a cookie before.  He did pick every piece of crumb he could get out of his mouth, though.  He's been letting me "pour" an empty soup spoon into his mouth, and I'm hoping that this "game" will help us pour some actual soup in soon.  Yesterday, his feeding therapist actually managed to get a few bites of pudding past his lips, and although he wasn't opening his mouth happily, he didn't have any crying or fighting either.  When he was done, he signed "all done" instead of crying.  Whew!  When the therapist left, the Panda showed interest in grandad's "adult beverage", so the Penguin got him to drink a little  water from a tiny plastic cup, which was a huge first.

So, we had a big trip to Tampa to visit Matt during his IA.  We left the day after the cleft team appointment and drove 13 hours including stops and stayed at a hotel the first night.  This stop was a blessing straight from God.  We stopped at Kings Bay, GA, and the hotel I had on my GPS was closed.  I just went to a nearby hotel, a Residence Inn (Marriott).  It was a lower price than I ever expected, they gave me a perfect room, first door from the lobby, so I didn't even have to carry stuff very far or do stairs.  Breakfast provided in the morning.  The kind of comforters that get washed and don't gross me out.  <3   Everyone watched a little Phineas and Ferb and went to sleep nicely.

We got to Tampa just before Matt finished work the next day, and started our lovely visit.  We met his friends, went to the Bay, the beach, the water park, the pool, and just hung out together.  We got to go to his church, which was nice.  I'm not totally sure if the visit will help the Puppy's acting out and missing dad, but it was sure worth a try.  We celebrated the Panda's 3rd birthday in Tampa, and I'm so glad that Matt didn't have to miss that birthday!  The Panda clearly remembered daddy, and was so happy to see him, and he said, "Daddy" for the first time after a couple days.  Everyone who knows the Bunny needs to ask her about her waterslide experience.  On the way home, we got to visit our super-special friends.  Last summer, they sat with me, looking at pictures of a little baby on a computer screen and worrying if he'd be ok, and this summer, they got to rejoice with us over how amazing he is.  The big kids enjoyed their wonderful friends, even though it was far too short.  We made our way home from Jacksonville- 13 hours.  For the entire trip, the Panda cried in his carseat for 3 hours total, but it was the last 3 on the way home.  When we pulled into the garage, he stopped and said "HOME" for the first time.  He ran happily and visited all his toys before I put him to bed.

The Bunny and I had nursery duty the next morning and then we came home from church and Matt's parents came for a quick visit.   The Bunny started babysitting camp the next morning.  I left the Panda with grandma for youth group and my meeting last night.  He really loves her!  She got me a birthday cake!!!  It is a great year when I don't have to make my birthday cake.  The dear administrators of my homeschool co-op also got a cake, so this was one special birthday!  I am feeling very loved.

I really plan to keep the world small for the Panda for a week or two after so much excitement.  He handled it so well, but I can see signs of stress.  He's glad to be home.  He's had a couple of nights of a little crying at bedtime, which isn't normal for him.  He gets a little hyper when his siblings get hyper and show-offy for grandma and grandpa.  Overall, though, he handled new environments like the beach and the waterpark very well.  I think that a big trip with several overnights in different places, and then coming home was stressful, but it seems to help him build trust, since his attachment is decent and growing at this point.  A trip like this would have been much harder even 2 months ago.  It also helps that he's getting better at walking.  We still use a stroller a good bit, but he did a fair bit of walking at the waterpark and in the mall, which would not have been possible 2 months ago.

Here are some pictures:

Poor Ignored Blog: The Update

Oh, where to even start!

The Panda is changing and learning every day.  He is running, learning more signs and words, pointing to things in books, knows his body parts, and most animal sounds.  I think his speech will be an area that will require attention for many years.  There are just sounds that he can't seem to make yet.  The interest in trying to communicate is new, and wonderful though.  He LOVES books, especially books that I sing instead of read.  He is still sweet and even-tempered.  He's gained just over 10 pounds in the last 9 months.

He heads to Children's National in DC for a cleft team day on July 31.  I think they will be pretty pleased.

What doesn't the Panda prefer?  Food.  We still can't get solids to pass his lips.  The big change that we've seen is that he is willing to try now.  You can see the fear of food at war within him against the desire to try it.  He brings things up to his lips.  Decides against it.  Thinks about it.  We'll get there!  He also doesn't prefer dogs.  He has a few favorites, but I can't blame him....  He's still nervous about stuffed animals too, but getting used to them.  He's really scared of grass.  He doesn't want anything to do with walking on grass, sitting on grass, looking at grass....  He's still also pretty scared of being washed or water running in the bathtub.  He likes to go to the swimming pool, though.

The Puppy has learned to ride a two wheeled bike!  We are very proud.  He's also been very diligent about his scripture memory work.

We've started school here.  I'm still allowing distractions and fun- if friends come over, I'm not a stickler for finishing up.  Just easing in....  I really don't feel ready.  Very burnt out, and so many things I'd hoped to do before school that aren't done.  I just feel like if I wait at all, I'll never get the momentum going....

The Penguin and the Bunny and I suffered the loss of our dear cat, Misty last week.  We got home from VBS (which was really great) and the Bunny went downstairs.  Misty hadn't been doing well, so I called for her to look for him.  She couldn't find him easily, and when she did, he was in bad shape.  We were very glad we got to love him and hold him and comfort him.  The Penguin was so compassionate and brave to face such a sad, hard thing.  She held him and didn't run from the pain of it.

I can really see how much his daddy's deployment affects the Puppy.  We all miss him so much, and we can talk and Skype, but the Puppy needs the firm presence more than anyone else.  

A Mashup of Discussions about Adoptions and Clefts

This post is really just a place for me to stick information that might help someone in the future, before I forget everything...  It is a copy/paste of discussions from yahoo groups, so if it seems disjointed, well, it is.


Our little guy had an unrepaired bilateral cleft lip and palate and came from Qingyang city, Gansu province and he used cheap, normal Gerber-like plastic bottles.
He actually had a Mead Johnson cleft nipple on the bottle he came with, but a
very large hole was cut in the nipple. This is makes it so that it doesn't
matter if you use a cleft nipple or a normal one, as long as you cut a big hole.
I took scissors and cut my nipples just like the one that Thomas came with.


Bottles were expensive in Gansu, so I'd take a couple. The Mead Johnsons I took
weren't great because they are so squeezy, and Thomas was so used to holding his
own bottle that he'd squeeze it everywhere. I don't have any Habermans, but
they might be kind of small. Most of our kids wanted about 10 oz. per feeding,
5-6 times a day, so the large bottles were good. A little dish soap and a
bottle brush are good to take, too.

Chinese formula has scoops that are a different size than american formula
scoops, so make sure you read the package. Thomas would cry like crazy if his
bottle wasn't the right proportion of formula to water. He cried if it wasn't
really really HOT. We carried a thermos of hot water everywhere. We used half
boiling and half room temp water to get the right temp. At first he even cried
if we tried to hold him, or even if he was on a soft bed when we fed him. He
wanted to be on a hard surface, flat on his back, holding the bottle himself.
Eventually, we convinced him to snuggle and make eye contact and all that good
stuff.

Our guide in Lanzhou showed us exactly which
formula to buy in the store. He also told us to give the babies water with
honey in it, but we didn't do that... :)


If you need to take perfect hundreds for the donations and fees, you might want
to start collecting them now. We had to visit several banks several times to
get enough.

We traveled with 4 people- 5 if you count our new son, and I think we spent
about $1300 US in 16 days, and we shopped a lot.

The hotels we stayed at only allowed you to convert $200US each day, so the
first couple days we made sure that at least someone converted every day. They
can be picky about the condition of the bills too, sometimes.


Hi! I can understand this anxiety- I'm on my 4th toddler and still having to
read and learn and experiment. This is my first adopted child, though.

I will tell you that your question about Gotcha day is a good one. Our little
guy has been home 2.5 mos. and he is great- smart and making lots of progress,
and funny and sweet. On Gotcha day, if I hadn't been prepared for how delayed
kids can be when they have been in an orphanage for 2 years, I might have been
panicked about his behaviour. Also, he had deep grief for 3 days, which caused
him to refuse to eat, turn away from us, sleep a lot, and act like a limp rag
when he was awake. On the third day, he perked up. If I hadn't read lots of
blogs that talked about this, I wouldn't have understood. I totally agree with
the advise to keep reading and talking to other moms. (Yes, I think you are a
mom now....)

Getting a referral is more stressful if you haven't read about which doctors
will review files, and it is also helpful to read blogs of parents who have had
to make difficult decisions about accepting referrals. It can be a big step of
faith.


Very true about lying flat, not being held to take bottles. All the cleft
affected babies from our group would only take bottles laying flat on a hard
surface, holding the bottle themselves, with no one touching them at first.
After 2 days, I started getting serious about holding our little guy while he
ate and he adjusted.

He also likes his formula pretty hot, and cries if it is too watery or cold. We
had to carry a thermos, so we had a ready supply of hot, potable water in China.
We were 4 people plus baby, and were going through a gallon of bottled water per
day.

Thomas came with a cheap hard plastic bottle with a Mead-Johnson nipple, but the
opening was enlarged a lot. A lot. Cutting regular nipples with a very big
hole has worked fine for us too. Might want to pack small scissors that are
very sharp, and a few nipples to experiment with.

Our little guy doesn't drool and doesn't make a mess when eating bottles at all.
He has never been given solids at 27 mos, and really hates having anything but
formula put into his mouth- even watermelon juice. We've been home 4 days, and
he's gained 1.5 lbs in a week, but won't eat solids at all. I see therapy in
our future...

At first, he wouldn't let us touch his head or face at all, but after 2 days, I
started gently rubbing his arms, legs, and tummy and by day 4 he was letting me
rub his head and cheeks.

His front, top gums are always exposed, so they dry out and scab over unless you
put lotion or something on them. I've been using aquaphor, which works well.
He still hates when I touch his mouth.

I was nervous about washing bottles in China. I used antibacterial dish soap
and tap water, and then rinsed them with boiling water. I didn't bring a bottle
brush, but wish I had. Also, I wish I'd brought a formula dispenser , because
trying to get 8 little scoops into the bottle with a hungry baby watching isn't
great.


We are going through this right now- home 3 mos, lip and palate repaired one
month ago. Our little guy is really averse to anything but the bottle. We are
making progress. After surgery, I syringe fed him for 2.5 weeks. Once he was
allowed back to the bottle, he refused it. It took a week or so to get him to
accept the bottle again.

Last week, I started putting stage 2 baby food in his formula, and at first he
didn't know what to do with that (moving tongue, etc). I kept squirting it into
his mouth with bottle/syringe so he was still getting his normal 50 oz of food a
day, and he started catching onto swallowing thicker stuff. He also decreased
in drooling, so I think he was learning about swallowing. He had not drooled
before surgery.

Just today, I put in undiluted baby food- squirted little drops from a pouch,
and he didn't know how to move that with his tongue. I'll keep doing that until
he figures it out, I guess, but I'll keep him on the bottle as much as usual
until he really gets the hang of eating.

Before surgery, I also had a small bit of luck with getting food on my finger
and swiping it in his mouth, since he's afraid of spoons and cups.

Also, 3 weeks after surgery, I was allowed to brush teeth with a finger brush.
Tonight, after a week of fighting and screaming and fear, he opened his mouth
willingly and let me brush his teeth. Wow.

We also play a game where we both stick out our tongues. I try to touch his
tongue with my finger, which he's afraid of. Then I try to get him to touch my
tongue, which he's afraid of. Anything to desensitize him to oral stuff. I
make all my other kids stick their tongues out and let me touch them with my
finger, so he can see it isn't scary... We all laugh like it's really fun. He
looks at us like we are crazy....

What can I say... he's a smart kid...


When my little guy had palate surgery, he ONLY ate from a bottle and
couldn't/wouldn't do anything else. His surgeon is adamant about no bottles for
2 weeks after lip and palate surgery. Maybe it would be different with just
palate, but even after 2 weeks the bottle did make his lip swell.

We ordered the tender care feeder from www.snugglewraps.com and syringe fed him
for 2 weeks. It was awful at first, because he has serious oral aversions.
He's back to the bottle now, and learning to use his new mouth to swallow baby
food too.

Just for me, I plan to keep using the bottle for as long as he wants to- maybe
another year or so.

The IA doc who reviewed our referral was very concerned about head measurement-

he said it was so small that our son probably had cognitive issues. Now that

Thomas is home, he has a HUGE head- not small in any way, but very flat in the

back.

You may not be able to tell much about "severity" from the referral paperwork or

photos, either. Our son's cleft looked huge, but turned out to not have some of

the problems we expected. You can't tell how speech will go until you hear the

child and spend time on it. You don't know how the environment in the

orphanage/ foster care has impacted the child's development. I'd guess each

individual child's personality would be the biggest factor, and you can't figure

that out from paperwork either. It really feels like jumping off a diving board

into the unknown, doesn't it?

It took us two months of staring at our son's file to jump. The cleft wasn't

the issue that worried us, but the delays that were obvious but not labeled as a

"special need", and the head size in his file which was small and concerned the

docs. It was plain wrong- his head is HUGE, not small. Now that we've had him

home a few months, I think he will catch up his physical delays. I'm still not

sure how significant his speech delays and emotional delays are going to be. 

I'm pretty sure he's smart- he figures things out really fast. He's bonding

very well.

When we were sitting there for 2 months too long, staring at the file, we just

came to a point where we had to decide to adopt him or wait for another

referral. I feel really ashamed to mention how long it took us. We had to get

PA before we could proceed with the homestudy and dossier, which is a little

unusual. We were scared and just not sure. We just asked the Lord to give us

PA if he was meant to be ours, and have China reject our request if not. As

soon as we decided and sent in our LOI, something just happened to my heart. 

The thought of not bringing him home haunted me. China could have said no to

us- we needed a waiver.

Once I started praying for this child, he became mine. God put him in my heart

with the same, fierce motherly love I have for the others. Maybe a little more,

because I had to fight a little harder for this child. I really stopped caring

if he was ever going to be ok, because he was MINE. He was certainly going to

be better off as mine than not mine, even if his delays persist. I am better

off as his mom than I was before, because the "not knowing" has driven me closer

to the Lord. The long, year wait to finish all the paperchase was excruciating.

I really learned something about how prayer really does work- that I could do

something for my child that really had an impact on his life, even though I

couldn't hold and teach and comfort him for that year. I still cry when I look

at him and see how far he's come and how sweet he is after all he's been

through, and I'm not a crier. He really brings joy to our family.

My dad, who may have thought we were a little crazy a year ago, keeps going

around saying, "He's so cute! Why doesn't everyone adopt one!"

I totally sympathize with your position at the end of the diving board. May you

have wisdom to know when to jump and when to wait.

I am a believer in the benefits of probiotics. When we have to do antibiotics,

or if someone gets thrush or has stomach problems at our house, I get a

refrigerated, powdered children's probiotic at our local health food store.   You get relief from the yeast growth in the mouth, or diaper rash or whatever in about 2 days, but need to keep taking it longer.

Baby Steps Toward Eating

On Thursday, I saw 2 bananas on the counter.  I'm always meaning to take the kids to Bruster's to get a 1/2 price banana split when you bring your own banana, and we needed to make a run to the store anyway.  We shopped first, of course, and there were candy bracelets.  My big kids are quick to point out candy.  At least the days of whining have given way (mostly) to observation:  "Look, mom, candy bracelets!  Look!  Lindt chocolate balls!"

This time, I took the bait.  Another adoptive mom saw the Panda chewing on my Chinese bracelet and suggested candy bracelets as a way to try to get him to taste a food.  They were 39 cents.  Yes, please!

We moved on to the next store, and I put the candy bracelet on myself, just like my bracelet.  Well, ok, I broke the tiny, child sized candy bracelet all over the parking lot...  The Bunny gave me her own candy necklace, which I put around my wrist twice.  Sweet Bunny!  The Panda grabbed the bracelet as I was getting him into the stroller and stuck it in his mouth!!!!  We all clapped and cheered right in the Target parking lot.  He bit pieces off, and carefully picked every bit out of his mouth.  He didn't cry or stop biting.  Hooorayyyyy!

We shopped and got banana splits.  I shared with the Penguin and the Bunny and Panda shared.  It looked like we were on some crazy game show, devouring the treats.  At the end, everyone looked up and said, "Mom, what is the gross relish stuff?  That was the worst ice cream ever!"  Funny, they looked so happy....  apparently pineapple topping is unpopular....

We got home and strung some toasty-o cereal like a necklace, and the Panda touched his mouth with that too!

Friday, the Panda was signing, "EAT!" over and over.  I opened a jar of baby food, dipped all of the toys he puts in his mouth in carrot, and sat him in the high chair, and said, "EAT!"  He touched the carrot.  He put the carrot in my mouth.  Finally, he did put some carrot covered toys in his mouth.  Big, big step!

The Bunny went to a slumber party later (except I just pick her up late, because I don't do slumber parties- this was very unpopular.... *sad mom*), and the Panda took a "disaster nap".  You know, the after dinner nap that means a toddler will never go to bed.  When he woke up, he was overwrought.  He used to do this after nap on days when we went out of the house- I'm guessing it was from the stress of eating.  I took him for a little walk outside, and he calmed down.   Then we read a few of his favorite books.  It was time to eat, so I offered a few Gerber puffs.

Our first days together, the Panda played the sad peek-a-boo game.  He hasn't done this in a long time.  He did it with the Gerber puff.  You could see the inner conflict:  I'm hungry, but afraid.  She wants me to eat it, and she'll clap and cheer, but I'm afraid.  Heart wrenching.  He even brought it up to his mouth a few times, and then turned away dramatically.  He's not a dramatic person, either....  Still, progress!  I gave him a bottle, and we sang and cuddled.

The awake Panda came with me to pick up the Bunny and totally interrupted the whole party with his cuteness.  He smiled and waved and charmed the lovely young ladies.  He even went to bed nicely.

This morning, I decided to try a "normal" bottle- a nipple that hasn't had a big hole cut in it.  He managed to get down about 4 ounces in 35 minutes, but he did it!  I don't think he figured out how to suck, but he persisted...

My garden is doing really well- we have tiny cucumbers and tomatoes, and tons of peaches.  I always take the Panda to see it, and sign "Eat!" while pointing to the veggies.  Maybe the magic of picking it from the garden will help...

Unbelievable!

I couldn't even tell anyone this until I had a video.  My dad heard this toy say "You got 5 in a row" the other day, and no one was near it but the Panda.  So we watched, and he seriously knows most of his letters.  At the end, he also walks and talks.  He has learned SO much in the last few weeks.  Also, he is back to sleeping better.  Please pause the music player to the right.

In other big news, we found out this morning that Matt will get to come home for Memorial Day weekend for a short visit!  We are so excited!

Order Modification!

We got great news this week- Matt's deployment will end shortly after Christmas instead of in March or April! Our little ladybug timekeeper took a little jump.

The Panda has returned to Night Terror City for a second visit.  I can't figure out what is causing it this time.  Last time, it was surgery, but we have not really had any changes lately...  Poor darling.

We took an ill-fated "homeschool field trip" to the National Zoo yesterday.  There was a fancy event that began about an hour after we got there, so we could only tour the top 1/5 of the zoo.  The Panda got up close to real pandas, and many of our favorite animals are up on the Asia Trail, so it wasn't a complete loss.  Could have been better, though.  I think we'll have to go back soon.  :)  There is a new feature in the orangutan exhibit that I'm dying to try out, but we couldn't get down that far.  The orangutans can push a button to spray water on people who venture into the "splash zone"....  I really want to get sprayed by an ape.  How cool is that?

My tiny little veggie sproutlings of 3 weeks ago are getting big!  Looks like the garden is going to be good this year!  The groundhog will be healthy and happy, I'm sure.

My dear Auntie, who took good care of me when I was little, taught be to read and, well, everything...  is struggling.  Wednesday was the first time she didn't know who my dad was when he visited.  I don't think she knew me the last two trips I made home to WV.  She was really confused by the Panda, but she loves kids, so at least there's that.

Apparently I've got a sick Penguin, too.  Just a nasty cold, I hope.  She needs snuggling and is cold...  :)

Language Explosion!

Ok, so maybe not an explosion... but it feels pretty encouraging to this mom.  The Panda let loose with his second or third "real word, for sure!".  "Hi!"  Also, he started saying "Oh, NO NO".  Hee, hee.  He also learned his first signs yesterday:  book, please, and more.  This signing saga seriously started Monday night at Youth Group with Mrs. VanGordon.  I think, since he said words and made signs all on the same day, that he's "flipped a switch" into understanding.  Wooooo hooooo!

We have about 3 more days of dedicated schooling before we enter summer mode.  Wooooo hoooooo!  (Update:  In the 10 hours I've been working on this little post, the Penguin finished her work for the year!)

The Bunny, the Penguin and the Puppy are all testing for their green stripe belts in tae-kwon-do tomorrow.

I've been trying to get a video of "Hi" and "Oh, no, no!", but so far, there's no cooperating with the filming.  Maybe tomorrow.  

Six Months as a Family of Six

How can I even tell how much the Lord has blessed us.  We've had our Panda home for six months.

Earlier today, the big kids were outside.  The Panda and I had a rare, quiet moment alone.  I was feeding him a bottle and singing one of our special songs.  I got a little teary.  That "relief" that I didn't even know was an emotion before is still overwhelming sometimes.  He blinked really hard.  Squeezed those little eyes shut.  Clearly, he wanted me to imitate.  I did, and squeezed out a tear.  The Panda laughed and squeezed again.  He really thought that my dripping blinks were cool.  Sheesh.

*six months ago he could barely sit up for half a minute
Now he can walk 5-6 feet

*six months ago he was tiny
Now he's a hulking giant and I can barely carry him

*six months ago he'd never seen a book
Now he can't get enough

*six months ago he didn't ask for anything
Now he seeks out "his people" to meet his needs

*six months ago he had no roof to his mouth
Now he has one!  (Thanks Dr. Boyajian!)

*six months ago he was whiter than I am
Now he's a beautiful brown

*six months ago he didn't play or explore
Now he's trying his best to climb furniture and knows just what to do with toys

*six months ago he couldn't hear
Now he is starting to understand (thanks Dr. Zalzal!)

*six months ago, we had the sad peekaboo game and serious overstimulation problems
Now Peekaboo is fun and overstimulation is pretty rare (but we keep the world small...)

*six months ago, he wouldn't eat solids
Well, that hasn't changed, yet...  :)


So, how about me?

*six months ago I felt so sad, so aching, so desperate
Now I'm relieved, my baby is safe.
I'll note that I now feel sad and aching because I miss my husband, but not desperate- I know he's ok.  :)

*six months ago I was really jealous that my husband had a daughter to hold each hand
Now I rejoice because I have a son to hold each of mine

*six months ago I wondered just *how* effective prayer is
Now I know.  The Lord has done a great work.

Our school year is wrapping up.  We've been using Mystery of History I (Ancient History).  Really super text.  We just got to the end of the Old Testament in it, so I started reading the Gospel of Matthew, written 400 years after the end of the OT.  We got to Chapter 4, Verse 1...

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.

The Penguin wanted to know why?  Why did He have to go through this?  Great question.

Hebrews 4:14:

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.  For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.  Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Being a mom has required me to run (or drag my injured self) to the throne of grace pretty frequently.  I keep getting tempted and falling into sin.  How great is it that Jesus personally experienced every temptation that I ever will, and DIDN'T SIN!  He defeated every temptation.  He is glad to give grace to me in my failure, and new mercy to have victory over sin.

Oh, Lord, make me glad to give grace and mercy to my children instead of condemnation.

The Panda's First Steps

Happy night!  The Panda took his first steps.  He walked between the Bunny and me, and we Skyped Daddy in to watch.  I hadn't expected him to walk so soon- he's a baby on fast forward!

Today's Video Segment is brought to you by the word "detritus".  Detritus.  When you have a baby crawling around emptying everything onto the floor.

I'm really hoping that the Panda will turn his attention to speech once he's mastered walking.  He seems to be increasing his understanding and making new consonant sounds, like "c", "g", and "b", so I'm feeling hopeful.

We also had a nice, quiet Easter, worshiping and breakfasting with our church family, and baking a little too.

Trip to WV, Growing Up and Painting Murals

We sure are missing Matt, but life is moving along at a fast pace. We arrived at my dad's house this afternoon, and the Bunny went digging through my old stuff.  She tried on my ball gowns.  They fit.  This is impossible.  

 Unacceptable.  Growing up too fast.  Too beautiful.  The shoes don't even fit.

 Wait a minute... she gets the dresses and I get 20 year old shoes?

Then, we had some great mural painting, thanks to Grandad.  Isn't he the coolest grandad ever, to sacrifice a wall for art?

Beautiful and talented, aren't they?

So, how's the Panda doing?

So, those big kids ate up all the space on the last post....  here's what everyone wants to hear about:

The Panda is learning very fast.  He's been cruising the furniture for a few weeks, but now he's a confident cruiser.  So confident that he learned to pull up to a stand so he could cruise all day long.  Three days later, he learned to get down from a standing postion.  This was a welcome relief, because he was pulling up in his crib at night, but couldn't get himself back down.  Being stuck on your feet when you are exhausted is not fun.  If I laid him down, he got right back up though, because he could.  Bedtime is much better now that he can get back down when he's done standing.  The Panda got himself from crawling into a squat for the first time today, also.

Finally, we are getting some expressive language.  He will say "oops" at the end of each page of Blue Hat, Green Hat (that Sandra Boynton masterpiece).  We're pretty sure he's saying "head" when he points to his head.  He LOVES books, and brings them from across the room, and demands reading time.

We aren't making much progress in the food/ eating area.  Spoons are still off-limits and baby food is unpopular.  We keep at it, though.  After our Fruit Loop success from last weekend, we were hopeful, but no repeat performances...    maybe he only does the fancy tricks for Miss Christina...

The Week When Everything Happened. Whew.

Every Tuesday I teach at our local homeschool co-op.  I love being a mom, but this is seriously the highlight of my week.  I adore my students.  Between last Tuesday and today, everything happened.  It was just that busy/ emotional/ everything.

Wednesday morning, our family headed to Norfolk to say goodbye to Matt.  He is now officially on active duty again.  We are all very proud of him and of  being a Navy family, but it would be great if this were the final deployment.

We started the trip on a happy note: a night at Great Wolf Lodge.  We checked in and hit the indoor waterpark from 2pm-9pm.  The Panda surprised us all.  He was not overstimulated and he was very relaxed and happy in the water.  He floated around the lazy river about 100 times on his back with a huge smile.  He bobbed in the wave pool.   We got out of the water with a few minutes to spare so we could buy the kids' Magiquest wands.  We spent Thursday playing Magiquest at Great Wolf Lodge, which all three big kids enjoyed very much.  It was pretty fun for the grownups and the Panda too, plenty of walking and exercise... I was glad to have my stroller.

Then we enjoyed a wonderful weekend with our dear friends in VA Beach.  They even sent us on a date- our first date without the Panda.  We visited and enjoyed good company.  The Panda was convinced to put a Fruit Loop into his mouth.  This is a huge milestone.  We aren't seeing miraculous progress with food, but these little baby steps keep my hope alive.

Sunday came, and we attended our old church in VA Beach and enjoyed a too-short chat with old friends.  Matt and I took the kids to lunch.  The goodbye time had arrived.  I tried to find a way to delay, so I said, "I'm going to go to the zoo today, either figuratively or literally.  Let's make it literally."  So we went.  Our membership was still valid, so it was free!  We had such a fun afternoon and it made the parting easier.

We got home really late Sunday night because of the unplanned zoo trip.  The kids were really good about school work on Monday and we all headed out to take the Bunny to youth group and run some errands.  We picked her up and completed some unfinished errands.  I was starting to think that my week of fun and emotion had not included grading my stack of papers for the next day as we were paying at the final store.

But God.....

that moment when God has plans that you didn't plan on.....

The Puppy did something really bad at the end of that last errand.  We went to the car and everyone buckled in.  We talked.  We sat.  I was feeling so emotionally spent from saying goodbye to Matt the day before.  God was so merciful, and gave me patience and the right words, even though I felt pretty empty inside, not particularly eager to deal with this really bad thing.

I gave the Puppy the bad news.  He's a sinner, and he'd done something vile.  Regardless of my numerous prompts, he had no apology.  He was determined to stay on the wrong path.

But God....

There's another road.... and the Lord brought this to my lips....

Psalm 51:4
Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge. 


Did you know that only one sin is enough to separate us from God forever?  Suddenly, I had a crumpled Puppy.   He was sorry for his sin.


But Jesus....


2 Corinthians 5:21
God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 


The Puppy asked Jesus to take his sin and give him His righteousness.  Praise God!

We went home and got ready for bed.  The Penguin was quiet.

But God....

"Mom, I've never repented either...."


John 10:28
I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. 


Praise the Lord for changing the hearts of these two little ones and adopting them as His own.  We've all seen the miracle of adoption this year three wonderful times.  Is there a word that is beyond thankfulness to describe how I feel?


Ezekiel 11:19
I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. 


My heart still needs to be made soft, to be changed by the Lord Who Heals.  How easy it would have been to chew the Puppy out and miss out on allowing the Lord to work through mercy and kindness.  Scares me a little   lot....

Now I cling to this promise for them and for me:

Philippians 1:6
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.


Oh, and I almost forgot!   The Panda is getting so close to walking!